Looks like we're parting ways.
Husband and I have struggled through a 20-year marriage, and a couple weeks ago decided to bring it to an end. We have two kids, a couple pets, a home, and some modest debt (mostly mine).
Fortunately, we are still friends - we hardly ever fight - and both (sadly) agree it is time to move on. The plan is to go to a mediator to create the legal separation documents. The night we decided to part, we went to dinner for 2+ hours and went through some of the basic logistics.
1) We'll sell the house and split the proceeds equally (I'll use part of my proceeds to pay off my debt and the rest on a downpayment on a new, smaller home).
2) He only wants a few furnishings from the house and the possessions he came into the marriage with (stuff like records, books, some of his parents' furniture).
3) He said I was the "better parent" and that he wanted me to have majority custody (most likely 255/110 day split) and that he'd gladly pay whatever our state deems appropriate for child support.
4) He takes the cat, I take the dog.
The only big decision is WHEN. That's the part we're in limbo about. Because we get along, and there is absolutely NO animosity at all, there's no rush (truly, since we decided to separate we've been more affectionate and friendly with each other - because the stress of "what if" is finally gone).
I'm thinking the mediator can help us set up a long-term timeline for officially separating. Has anyone done this?
February - April 2017: go through all house belongings together and get rid of unwanted things, pack up wanted things and store off site in separate storage units for each of us.
May - June 2017: make all house repairs we think would come up as an issue during sale process
July 2017: put the house on the market, assuming we'd be under contract within the end of the month. I'm not worried about selling the house - we're in a good part of town, in a sought-after neighborhood, in a great school district. This past year homes in our 'hood have been selling in under a week for an average of 98% of asking price. Even during the worst of the economic downturn, homes were still selling quickly because we are in a great area that is booming with growth.
September 2017: close on home sale and officially begin separation period.
The other question I'll have the mediator help with is WHEN do we tell the kids in this schedule? When school ends and before we put it on the market? That feels like the best time to me. I doubt they'd ask questions while we are decluttering or fixing up the house - they'll just think we're in "project mode" which happens from time to time.
Did anyone do a long-term timeline? And if so, when did you tell the kids?