Me and my fiance have been together almost 6 years now and the last several have been a constant string of fights, resentment, and distrust. Everyone around me sees it and knows it's over and I'm finally seeing that there right. I have been in denial, making excuses and telling my self we can fix it but it is pretty apparent that not only we can't, but she will sit in it and deal with it forever.*
We have sought counseling and while it helped in the short term nothing really changed. We are just two different people living together with one common interest. Our daughter. And this is the main reason it's so hard, among others
Guilt being one of the others.
She has given up alot to be with me, that's not to say that I haven't given up alot as well. But I feel if that I leave her I am abonding her with nothing and nowhere to go. While I know our relationship is toxic I still love her, she is still the mother of my child and I don't want her to hurt and struggle already more than this break up will do. She moved across country with me when our daughter was born because I knew I could make a better living out here, leaving behind her sick parents, her daughter who she gave the choice to stay or come with, and her brother.*
The reason I feel guilt about it is because she has disorders and I feel as though again I'm abandoning her in a time of need. She suffers from depression and anxiety. This is also where the resentment comes in she uses it as a crutch and an excuse to treat me like **** and to not do anything. I've tried so hard to be patient and understanding and to be there for her and help her with it but it seems that I'm the only one, she does nothing to help herself and at every turn i get hurt.*
I bring in the sole income, I do the grocery shopping, I manage the bills, I do at least half if not more of the household chores, I spend every minute I'm home taking care of our daughter, and I do my best to set aside one day a week for the two of us to go on a date or just spend the day together. Sometimes life happens and so we don't get that day but I do my best to set aside time for her.*
She does not work, spends her days in either a manic state where she cleans the house and everything else or in a depressive state where she sleeps all day and ignores the world and if you bother her she flys off the handle in a fit of rage. I feel and I can see that our daughter feels like we're walking on egg shells around the house to not upset her.*
We have talked about this before several times and there's two responses each time. Something I did or didn't do is the problem and I'm the bad guy, I don't do enough, or I don't appreciate her, or don't try to spend time with her and she is all alone. Or yes she understands but can't help it because it's her depression and shes sorry and will change. But nothing ever changes. And when it doesn't it's allways my fault for me not changing or putting in more effort.
Am I wrong? Am I an *******? Should I stay with her because she's depressed and it's not her fault? Should I read more books and articles about depression and anxeity because I still just don't get it?*
Or am I doing what's best for me and for my daughter to detach from this?*
??????Our daughter is probably the biggest reason this is so difficult. I've asked myself so many times if it weren't for our daughter would we still be together, and while I try to convince myself the answer is yes, the truth is no. I would have put an end to this year's ago. But then the questions come in, what happenes with her, do I keep residential custody does she get residential custody? If she does how will I cope with not seeing my daughter everyday. If I have her, how can I manage to work and afford care for my child while work, I don't make that much. If she stays with me regardless of price how can I trust who has her in their care I hear so many awful stories. If she has her how will she be under her care, to be Frank she often seems unstable and while I do I don't doubt that she loves her, the way she flys off the handle I don't know how good it would be for her.
???????I know that no one is happy living like this but is still isn't easy to do, trying to find the courage to pull trigger is the hardest thing.
We have sought counseling and while it helped in the short term nothing really changed. We are just two different people living together with one common interest. Our daughter. And this is the main reason it's so hard, among others
Guilt being one of the others.
She has given up alot to be with me, that's not to say that I haven't given up alot as well. But I feel if that I leave her I am abonding her with nothing and nowhere to go. While I know our relationship is toxic I still love her, she is still the mother of my child and I don't want her to hurt and struggle already more than this break up will do. She moved across country with me when our daughter was born because I knew I could make a better living out here, leaving behind her sick parents, her daughter who she gave the choice to stay or come with, and her brother.*
The reason I feel guilt about it is because she has disorders and I feel as though again I'm abandoning her in a time of need. She suffers from depression and anxiety. This is also where the resentment comes in she uses it as a crutch and an excuse to treat me like **** and to not do anything. I've tried so hard to be patient and understanding and to be there for her and help her with it but it seems that I'm the only one, she does nothing to help herself and at every turn i get hurt.*
I bring in the sole income, I do the grocery shopping, I manage the bills, I do at least half if not more of the household chores, I spend every minute I'm home taking care of our daughter, and I do my best to set aside one day a week for the two of us to go on a date or just spend the day together. Sometimes life happens and so we don't get that day but I do my best to set aside time for her.*
She does not work, spends her days in either a manic state where she cleans the house and everything else or in a depressive state where she sleeps all day and ignores the world and if you bother her she flys off the handle in a fit of rage. I feel and I can see that our daughter feels like we're walking on egg shells around the house to not upset her.*
We have talked about this before several times and there's two responses each time. Something I did or didn't do is the problem and I'm the bad guy, I don't do enough, or I don't appreciate her, or don't try to spend time with her and she is all alone. Or yes she understands but can't help it because it's her depression and shes sorry and will change. But nothing ever changes. And when it doesn't it's allways my fault for me not changing or putting in more effort.
Am I wrong? Am I an *******? Should I stay with her because she's depressed and it's not her fault? Should I read more books and articles about depression and anxeity because I still just don't get it?*
Or am I doing what's best for me and for my daughter to detach from this?*
??????Our daughter is probably the biggest reason this is so difficult. I've asked myself so many times if it weren't for our daughter would we still be together, and while I try to convince myself the answer is yes, the truth is no. I would have put an end to this year's ago. But then the questions come in, what happenes with her, do I keep residential custody does she get residential custody? If she does how will I cope with not seeing my daughter everyday. If I have her, how can I manage to work and afford care for my child while work, I don't make that much. If she stays with me regardless of price how can I trust who has her in their care I hear so many awful stories. If she has her how will she be under her care, to be Frank she often seems unstable and while I do I don't doubt that she loves her, the way she flys off the handle I don't know how good it would be for her.
???????I know that no one is happy living like this but is still isn't easy to do, trying to find the courage to pull trigger is the hardest thing.