Re: One last try before I give up...
You're right, it's not the kind of man I want my son to grow into. I think about that a lot... As long as we are together, he won't be around his dad often. If we break up, his dad could have 50/50 custody. I hate the thought of him having my son half the time. Previously when it came up, he said he would fight for custody. We weren't fighting or anything, it just came up in conversation somehow. I feel like my son is better off with us together so that I'm the main parent. I also don't want my son to see that relationship growing up and again, turn out like that... If his dad went into a new relationship he'd still see it - unless he's just this way to me.
I don't have family to turn to. My mom was killed, my dad's in jail (put two and two together), my mom's parents are in care homes, I don't have any contact with my dads side now, my mom was adopted and had no siblings, I have no siblings. In terms of family, I'm alone. Due to moving often, my close friend count is 0. If I leave I'm totally on my own.
This city is too expensive to live in alone, so we'd both have to move. He would most likely go to his parents for now, which is 1.5 hours north. I'd have to move 1.5 hours south for the cheapest city that is still close to my university and work. So we're looking at a long commute for exchanges. My son's daycare is here and it sounds stupid but he absolutely loves it and thrives there. It took a long time to find one that was this great.
We are renting, and we have to give our landlord 60 days notice before we leave. So what, we live together hating each other for 2 months? We share a car right now, because we could only get one parking space. It's his car so I'd have to buy a new one. All of our belongings, we have to decide who gets what.
The logistics of breaking up are what hold me back... not breaking up with him specifically. I feel like I'm just stuck for the next 16 years.