We're still in the same place that we were and I'm getting more frustrated than ever. I'm just rambling but I don't know what to do anymore.
I can get my boyfriend to watch a 1 hour show with me once a week and that's considered couple time to him. I don't love him anymore. I don't like him. I've lost my attraction. Our sex life sucks because I'm not into it at all. Financially breaking up and moving apart isn't possible. We have had a bunch of expensive things come up and have limited savings. I'm trying to find a new job so I can work more hours and save more.
He isn't abusive, just pays no attention to me. He has gotten a bit better with our child.
I tried doing a 180 and all it did was push him further away. I don't know how that is supposed to help anything. I hoped he'd realize what he was losing but he didn't.
I've started thinking about other men, looking at them more while I'm out. I got a gym membership and I stopped going because I was being hit on and I don't want to do something stupid.
I don't want to lose time with my child. I don't want another woman being in his life and acting like a mother. I don't trust other people with my son. That's the hardest part of leaving. I feel like I'm giving up half of my son's life for my own happiness, but I won't be happy. I feel like I need to stick it out for the next 16 years and then leave. My boyfriend would go for 50/50 and would get into another relationship.
I just wish I knew what the best choice was. Or better, that he'd smarten up.
He isn't going to realize what he is losing because he never wanted a home and family and children to begin with.
He will also not "smarten up" because this is not a issue of intellect, intelligence or smarts. It is an issue of investment. He is simply not invested in you, your son or your home and family life.
When you first announce leaving, he may initially say he wants 50/50 custody, but that is just so he won't have to pay child support. He will not last a weekend of custodial care and will be glad to hand him back over to you.
Remember, he wanted your son to die so I do not believe he will put up much of a fight for custody.
Your best course of action here initially is to meet with a family law attorney and find out what your rights and responsibilities in this situation are.
Normally I would advise seeking child support but with child support comes obligated contact and access to the child. Given your BF's total lack of investment in fatherhood and child rearing, I would fear for the well being and even safety of the child in his care.
If he was offered the opportunity to walk away scot-free in exchange for relinquishing his parental rights, he will probably go for it.
That will place more financial burden on you so you may need to look into moving back in with your parents or friends or relatives or something, but it will be worth the peace of mind and sanity of taking care of your own business.