One last try before I give up...
For starters, we aren't married but I figured this is the best place to post since he's never going to marry me anyway...
We have been together for 5 years. I'm 24 and he's 29. We have a 2.5 year old son together. Our relationship was perfect for the first 2 years. We never fought, literally never. We were very happy, we moved in together 18 months into the relationship. Then there was an unplanned pregnancy and everything went downhill.
I became pregnant 2 years into the relationship. I was on birth control and used it properly but it failed. My BF wanted me to have an abortion, but that wasn't something that I was comfortable doing (especially because I didn't find out I was pregnant until 16 weeks). That's when he changed, and since then I have only seen glimpses of the man I fell in love with.
He didn't want anything to do with my pregnancy. He didn't want to go to appointments, didn't want to feel the baby move, didn't want to talk about baby names, didn't read anything I wanted him to read, didn't want to do a 3D/4D ultrasound or maternity pictures. Towards the end of my pregnancy my back, hands and feet were extremely painful, rubbing them helped and he would never do that for me. Everyone said it would get better when the baby was here...
I had a long labour, 5 days of non-stop contractions. I laboured at home most of the time and even though he was home the entire time, he wouldn't spend that time with me. I begged him to and all he wanted to do was play video games. When I was finally admitted to the hospital, he slept most of the time I was labouring there (because he didn't sleep at home when I told him too). During the pushing phase he just sat there, I don't think he talked to me or touched me at all though I was in too much pain to remember.
We live in Canada and we were BOTH able to take an entire year off. He was supposed to take that time off to help me and bond with the baby. In reality, he took that time off to play video games. When I was pregnant he told his friends that he would be online more (once the baby came).
He didn't help me at all. He never got up at night, he didn't let me sleep in, he didn't give me a break during the day. I had a really bad tear from the delivery and was in excruciating pain for 12 weeks. I could barely move but he wouldn't help me. I couldn't even pick my son up without crying and ended up just sitting in bed all day everyday so I wouldn't have to move as much (which led to co-sleeping). I breastfed (still am) so there wasn't as much that he could do, but he could have at least given me the baby so I didn't have to hurt as much, or done the diaper. We both took a year off work... there was no excuse. The first day home from the hospital he wouldn't even make dinner.
Everyone said it would get better when the newborn phase was over, then when the baby phase was over, now when the toddler phase is over. It's always suppose to get better but it's not. At least not enough.
Our intimacy went out the window after my son was born. We stopped kissing, stopped cuddling, sex was off the table for almost a year because of my pain, we stopped saying I love you. My son is 2.5 and we've never got that back. It's a little bit better than it was, in the sense that I don't totally loathe him.
He doesn't spend enough time with us, and doesn't care or listen. I have to beg him to spend time with us, when he does he is glued to his phone or the TV. We can never have a real conversation. He doesn't get down on the floor and play with our son, he sits on the couch. He doesn't care about intimacy. We never go on dates and he doesn't want to.
I recently gave it my all. I did everything right, tried to step up my game and intimacy. It worked for a couple weeks, then went back to our new normal.
I can't live like this forever... He isn't who I fell in love with and decided to have a chid with. Had I known how much he would change... I may have made a different choice. I want to feel loved and respected. I want to be able to have intimacy with my partner.
Do I give it one last try before moving on totally? How do I do it? Am I overreacting, does it really get better in time?