13 years marriage 4 kids help - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 08:51 AM Thread Starter
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13 years marriage 4 kids help

Its becoming really difficult now, its getting worse, i wish i could talk to someone about whats going on. I blame myself totally. We have 4 small kids and 2 very small under 4 which are very difficult to manage. I think since they were born its just driven a wedge between us.

whenever she speaks its like my skin crawls,
shes always shouting at the kids, stop making a mess, shes always screetching and screaming and i cant hear it anymore
we go through long periods where we dont speak face to face just commincate via whatsapp i stay in one room she stays in another.

we constantly fight over silly things, its like she mothers me, why havent you done this, she speaks in a stern tone like shes a school teacher. admitadly im lazy sometimes, she has to ask me 10 times to do things, but cmon what guy runs and jumps like a obedient dog ill do it when im ready. i really dont like her anymore, i feel a lot of resentment and hatred. we just dont get on. its the miserable fire breathing dragon side of her that i loathe,

i feel so damn bitter inside, i feel its way beyond fixing, she wants romance and kisses etc i still want sex but she never wants it but she says she wants romance im like i cant be bothered i dont want to romance her.

ive also played the field with a much younger women in early 20s im 38, and i know thats terrible but ive been doing this for past 3 years now since younger babies were born. i feel im comparing them to her ive just ruined everything. but i cant leave as i have kids they need me, soon the side relationship will be over. it was fun and the sex was amazing but i cant leave them for her over lust.

my question is to men, after such a breakdown can things get better can this be mended.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

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Originally Posted by rednoodlecurry View Post
admitadly im lazy sometimes, she has to ask me 10 times to do things, but cmon what guy runs and jumps like a obedient dog ill do it when im ready.
Yeah well you just might want to work on that attitude a wee bit there. It's not helping you or the situation at all.


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ive also played the field with a much younger women in early 20s im 38, and i know thats terrible but ive been doing this for past 3 years now since younger babies were born
See my response above.

I've only heard your side of the story and I'm on hers.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

Nope
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

look in the mirror
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

A real man does a household task because it needs doing not because he waits for his wife to direct him. A husband and wife are a team period!! What are you doing to help with the kids?? As a father and husband you have to look out for the well being of everyone in the house.
If your wife is busy with the kids and there's dishes that need washing, do them!! Cook meals!! Help clean up and get the older kids in the habit of picking things up.
I was in your shoes at one time. I decided that if my marriage was going to have any chance I had to change. I couldn't expect my wife to do everything. I started taking over most of the cooking and kid taxiing. I did dishes when they needed doing. If I noticed broken things I fixed them. My oldest was very disrespectful toward my wife. I put an end to that and also made sure my wife wouldn't cave to things she had already said no to. I backed her up 100% whether I thought she was right or wrong.
We made a list of things that were age appropriate for the kids to take care of and held them accountable to do them. We worked together as equals.
How has it worked out??
Our kids are now very well behaved. They are respectful, they see the value in the work they do around the house and appreciate the effort we as parents put in to doing things.
Our marriage is probably stronger now than it has ever been. We communicate, we do things together with and without the kids. Our sex life is the best it's ever been. Why? Because I changed the only person I could change, me!! My changes sparked changes throughout the family. All I had to do was become a functional adult instead of being the oldest child in the house. It's worth the effort.


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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 01:22 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

...it seems that you have already left your wife for lust. Don't be surprised if your marriage doesn't return to the way it was, it seems that you don't want it to.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"

Last edited by jb02157; 01-23-2017 at 02:35 PM.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:13 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

You essentially want the same things. You want to be the man and feel like the man and you want respect and for your wife to stop treating you like a kid. Your wife wants you to step up and be the man too. But you have taken the role of another kid to your wife instead of an equal partner and man of the house.

This is your fault, you act like a lazy child your going to be treated like a lazy child. If you act like an adult, a man and do the right thing you will be respected and treated like a man.

You are a husband. You have responsibilities whether you like it or not. Help your wife out, treat her with respect, date her, make her feel beautiful, give her what she needs and only you can give her (love, romance, help). You can't have the good in the marriage (sex, clean clothes and food) and not the bad aka responsibilities. Same goes for being a father. Yes these things take a lot of work but the reward and satisfaction of having a great marriage is well worth it.

It's not too late. It is 100% up to you and under your control. Stop thinking negative thoughts about your wife, focus on the good, frequently tell her the good. Don't speak negatively. And step up... help her out, be there for her. She probably hates and resents you too right now, but you can transform your relationship by doing what's right.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

Wow. No wonder she's pissed. Sounds like she has a serious weed up her.....and a legitimate gripe.

Whats you plan to start being a grown husband and father?

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

What were you expecting when you got married? To have one woman at home and go have fun the rest of the time with other women? Does your wife know that's your belief system?

Do your wife a favor and divorce her so she can go out and find a man with integrity to raise her kids with.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:30 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

A real man would get tested for STDs he may have picked up from his little side piece before 'gifting' them to his wife since he still wants the wife to put out. And, stop having children!

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 06:10 PM
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Re: 13 years marriage 4 kids help

Quote:
Originally Posted by rednoodlecurry View Post
ive also played the field with a much younger women in early 20s im 38, and i know thats terrible but ive been doing this for past 3 years now since younger babies were born. i feel im comparing them to her ive just ruined everything. but i cant leave as i have kids they need me, soon the side relationship will be over. it was fun and the sex was amazing but i cant leave them for her over lust.
Well aren't YOU the stud?

I'm so impressed. Stupid enough to keep spitting baby after baby after baby out, creating your own nifty little personal hell for yourselves, and then you're surprised that it's not quite the Nirvana you pictured? Well WHAT a shocker.

Your FIRST order of business is to get a damned vasectomy and stop breeding, for God's sakes.

If this nightmare story is even real (and I'm still on the fence about that) then man the hell up and start taking responsibility for this huge family you created. You start showing you wife some respect and you stop exposing her to STDs just so you can get some cheap thrills on the side.

This sounded more like a vent than an honest appeal to the masses to help you get things straightened out. So I'll end here.
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