Re: From your experience, what's happening here?
do this immediately- somehow he thinks or picked up a vibe you made towards a non repairable moment he is afraid or too ashamed to bring up, it could be perceived due to a negative childhood coping mechanism he has no clue of, or you made too many love bank withdrawals. It really don't matter, Quick fix to get the dialogue going to get into therapy.
Do and say this...I feel we have both been distant. Maybe it is eveying we've been through. I miss our closeness, Can you let me know how I can learn what your are going through so I can support and love you more. Wait for an answer. He may confide in you right way. just listen. you could comment like. Gee I had no idea what pressure you are on. Please share with me so I can love and support you, or just listen because you work hard for us. I miss our closeness very much, I need to connect with you on an emotional level and if I feel good on that level, I am game for anything romance related. I need you. You just validated his manhood, protector, and appreciated buttons. He will smile internally at this. This is important to a man, just as much a woman needs to bond emotionally with their man to have sex.
When men have orgasms, the stronger they are, the more Oxytocin hormone is released in his blood stream that makes it instantaneously have a boding feeling towards you. It is scientifically proven. When his moodiness feels manipulative keep your boundaries, but lovingly ask questions. with I feel. If you use "you did, or You didn't you just closed off the moment for a loving fixable recovery. If you fudge it, ask for his forgiveness to open a door for a loving repair. Slowly you can reconnect where he has more empathy to your needs and moods. He is just closed off right now.
Finally, This is long but if you read further and do below you got a good excellent chance for a better marriage. I learned from below when it was to late. That is why I am so wordy. I want to help before things get bad..
Here it goes...
Both of you do this to renew, commit to working on the relationship, sex, romance, communication, therapy by a trained therapist by John Gottman, Ph.D. If you both decide to give it a go do this too. Go to a Dr. John Gottman Ph.D's marriage seminars, listed to Dr. Gottmans Audio CD book called. "what makes love last." Six Audio CD's and appendixes that you both complete to understand your relationship, communication style, trust and betrayal levels that if you do not attune to will ultimately lead to divorce. He can tell up to 75% accuracy who will divorce. This relationship scientist knows beyond scientific fact how to fix marriages to the pre-marital bliss state for the most part for most couples. Read and do all the book work and self and together practice to bet back that spark, or feeling to begin a new in a trust and safe place together.
Give a deadline for her to choose to comeback and start loving.
Listen and be supportive, No you did statements to her, If she does them to you stay neutral, say I hear you, then say is there anything else that I need to hear that I had not asked or in-tune to understand. You just opened a door for a pleasing discussion or peace that she feels heard.
See a therapist
Do read, listen, and practice the stuff from the book I mentioned above. It will list everything you both to learn that you had no clue what both of you were doing wrong. Once you start this book you are not going to believe how you both have been sabotaging real intimacy to love where you leave, separate or divorce from the relationship. I am not talking sex her. That is later in the book.
Work on the tips and master them. Your marriage should become what hoped for and dreamed of.
If you are at a point that you feel that there is no chance. It's o.k. Read, listen, and do the exercises because it will only make you wise, relate better, and understand why we treat a stranger better than our spouses.