Re: From your experience, what's happening here?
Zyria - I understand your wish for your husband to call the counselor. My wife was very resistant when I told her to call. It wasn't until I said "You need to show me you value our marriage by making an appointment" that she called.
I also to an extent understand talking to attorneys. When I found out my wife had talked to counselor about everything BUT the reason she needed to (high school rape), then I told her "Talk about what happened to you or I will file".
I got crabby earlier because you are sending mixed signals to your husband. He's probably very confused right now.
Let me give you something to print out (without editing) and give to your husband,
To whom it may concern:
Your wife is unhappy. You need to show that you value your marriage by calling a counselor and setup counseling for BOTH of you.
Now, this is not a total "Hang the Husband out to dry" meeting. Before this meeting, you need to read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" . Because you probably want nothing more than your wife to be happy, but by always putting her needs, and your kids first, it is affecting how you interact with your wife.
Your wife will have requests for you. Make her be specific. Don't let her say "I wish he would do more housework" or "I wish he would help more with the kids". These are non-specific terms that allow the bar to be ever raised and you won't be doing enough, EVER.
Also, if there are things she does, such as always calls you to pick up items on the way home, yet she never does the same because she is "too busy", then bring it up.
Your wife has lost respect for you, you can't NICE that back. If she never takes a shower with you or never lets you see her naked with the lights on, bring it up.
Mr. to whom it concerns, if you & I were sitting at a bar I would tell you to do the following.
1. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy
2. Knock over that pedestal that your wife is on. Rainbows & Unicorns do not emanate from her arse!
3. Make sure you take care of the kids, take care of yourself.
4. Own your own sh!t. Deal with your issues.
5. Hit the gym, be the best lookin you YOU can be.
6. Read Married Man Sex Life Primer. Google the term sh!t test.
7. Your marriage comes FIRST, before the kids. 18 years from now, the kids will be gone.
8. Take your wife on dates, spend time with her.
9. Hold her accountable. If you bust your arse meeting her needs, and she gives you continual refusal of intimacy, let her know that she has her own sh!t to deal with.
Mr., what do you have to lose? She doesn't respect you now, and is ripe for some POS sleazeball to talk his way into her panties.
Either you will have a better marriage where both of you are happy, OR, you will be in better shape mentally and physically to meet someone new.
Best of luck!
Added - well , my browser wasn't showing the posts where it sounds like this marriage is over. I'll leave posts for anyone that wants to comment.
Last edited by FrazzledSadHusband; 02-12-2017 at 07:41 PM.