Big Bully - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:07 PM Thread Starter
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Big Bully

I'm not really sure what happened but something in my mind just clicked. For the first time, I realized that I was no longer afraid of my wife. Something in my brain just decided at that moment that she was a bully. I know how to handle bullies. I stood up to her in a different way this time. I told her I was NOT afraid of what she would do to me physically because every time she's slapped me, pulled my hair, punched me, pinched me, or scratched me it has never hurt very bad. It's not like getting in a fight with a man, she simply couldn't hurt me physically. I told her I was NOT afraid of her put downs about how useless and unworthy of her I am, and that it no longer hurt me when she told me she doesn't love me, or that she hates me, or that she wishes I would die. I told her I was NOT afraid of her threats to harm our daughter when I'm at work. I told her I was NOT afraid that she would make up a false statements of abuse to her family or to the police. I told her that whatever happens, I would fight for custody of our child and I'm NOT afraid to risk everything for that kid. She then went about her usual business of doing all those things I told her I was no longer afraid of. The screaming, the hitting and scratching, the crying and blaming me for making her so angry. But unlike our nearly bi-weekly fights, this one was different because I was finally unafraid.

Well, that and I got the whole video of our final fight on my iPhone.

Word to the wise fellas, get it on video.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:30 PM
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Re: Big Bully

Did you file charges?
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Big Bully

We live in a no-fault state so it doesn't matter for the divorce. Filing charges for spousal abuse even with video evidence doesn't make a difference in custody cases either as she wasn't actively abusing the child so she will still get full custody and I'll get limited or no visitation. If I had been the abuser I would get no custody and zero visitation but that's just the way the law is in my state. I already knew that even with video I won't be seeing my kid very often so I just showed the video to every family member she has. The law won't help me but at least her family will know what kind of person she is.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:16 PM
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Re: Big Bully

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Originally Posted by Elwood Blues View Post
We live in a no-fault state so it doesn't matter for the divorce. Filing charges for spousal abuse even with video evidence doesn't make a difference in custody cases either as she wasn't actively abusing the child so she will still get full custody and I'll get limited or no visitation. If I had been the abuser I would get no custody and zero visitation but that's just the way the law is in my state. I already knew that even with video I won't be seeing my kid very often so I just showed the video to every family member she has. The law won't help me but at least her family will know what kind of person she is.
Not if she is in jail or on probation. File.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Big Bully

So when she first started being violent why didnt you leave? Why did you have children with her? If a man hit me once I would be gone. By staying you have enabled her terrible behaviour and emotionally damaged your child.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:46 PM
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Re: Big Bully

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Originally Posted by Elwood Blues View Post
I'm not really sure what happened but something in my mind just clicked. For the first time, I realized that I was no longer afraid of my wife. Something in my brain just decided at that moment that she was a bully. I know how to handle bullies. I stood up to her in a different way this time. I told her I was NOT afraid of what she would do to me physically because every time she's slapped me, pulled my hair, punched me, pinched me, or scratched me it has never hurt very bad. It's not like getting in a fight with a man, she simply couldn't hurt me physically. I told her I was NOT afraid of her put downs about how useless and unworthy of her I am, and that it no longer hurt me when she told me she doesn't love me, or that she hates me, or that she wishes I would die. I told her I was NOT afraid of her threats to harm our daughter when I'm at work. I told her I was NOT afraid that she would make up a false statements of abuse to her family or to the police. I told her that whatever happens, I would fight for custody of our child and I'm NOT afraid to risk everything for that kid. She then went about her usual business of doing all those things I told her I was no longer afraid of. The screaming, the hitting and scratching, the crying and blaming me for making her so angry. But unlike our nearly bi-weekly fights, this one was different because I was finally unafraid.

Well, that and I got the whole video of our final fight on my iPhone.

Word to the wise fellas, get it on video.
Good for you. But why are you still with this woman? And I agree with everyone who says you should file charges. Call the police, get it on record, request a restraining order. If this woman is threatening to harm your daughter and you get that on the video I have to imagine they would take THAT into consideration in a custody hearing.

And maybe you should get a lawyer for your daughter, or at least talk to a lawyer about what is the best thing to do. If this woman is threatening the safety of a child how can you leave your child alone with her? She is a big bully but big bullies snap. Mothers have killed their children before to punish their husbands.

Also, know the laws about recording people in your state - I think if it's video and it's obvious she knows you're recording her and she's going nuts anyhow, that's probably legal. But I'm just guessing.
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