Violent Behavior: Grounds for Divorce?
My husband and I have only been married since August. We had a very short courtship (7 months) before we got married. This reason for this was primarily because he is not a U.S. Citizen so for us to be together for any extended period of time; we needed to get married and begin the immigration process for him to live in the U.S.A. Granted, we were madly in love and wanted to get married regardless.
Prior to getting married; we'd had a few small arguments but nothing out of the ordinary. There were two incidents in which he shouted at me to "Shut the f*ck up" which I told him was completely unacceptable and not the way couples should speak to each other. Since getting married, he has had to return to Northern Ireland while we wait for the immigration process to be complete. During the time that he has been away, I have caught him lying to me a couple times and have had some concerns about him drinking too much - nothing a marriage can't survive and I was confident that we could work through it.
On December 30th he came to visit for 3 weeks. One week into his stay; he told me that he had smoked pot while he was back home. This is an issue for me because I don't do drugs and certainly don't want my husband doing drugs. In addition; part of the immigration process is that he submit to a medical exam including a drug test and if he were to test positive for drugs, our application could be denied. I did not want to argue while he was here visiting so, I very calmly, told him that this upset me and that he was making it really hard for me to trust him. I went to bed. He stayed up, drinking. We never argued. We didn't fight. I had closed and locked the bedroom door to avoid this from happening. Well, he didn't like that very much and after about two to three minutes of him knocking on the bedroom door and asking me to talk to him (I didn't reply at all, didn't say a word); he punched the bedroom door, leaving a fist-sized hole in it. This turned into a complete nightmare. My 21 year old son lives with me. When he heard the sound of my husband hitting the bedroom door, he told him he had to leave, my husband refused (he was extremely drunk at this point) and we had to call the police to have him taken out of the house. After 2 days of my husband staying in a hotel, his family begging and pleading with me to allow him back into the house and my husband promising hundreds of times to never act like that again, my son and I agreed to allow him back in the house.
About 2 weeks later, the night before he was supposed to fly back to Northern Ireland, we had a good evening, watching movies, dinner, etc. It got late and I went to bed. Again, he stayed up, drinking. I was scared that he would repeat old behavior so I went into the living room and asked him "You're not going to stay up all night drinking are you"? He said "No, I'm not". I said "So since you are leaving tomorrow and won't need it, I'm going to get rid of the rest of the beer" and began to gather the 6 or so bottles of beer he still had left to dump them down the sink. Well, he didn't like that very much and came into the kitchen, grabbing at my arms and hands to try to get the beer, he cornered me between the refrigerator and the wall, demanding I give him the beer. I got passed him and as I was dumping the beer down the sink, he continued to reach across me, pushing me and grabbing my arms. When I talked to him about this the next morning, his only response to me was "You were acting like an idiot". I took him to the airport and he is now back in Northern Ireland.
As of right now, I'm 90% sure that I am going to file for divorce. His behavior is indicative of the beginning of domestic violence and from what I've learned; will almost certainly escalate. This is a heavy decision for me because of all the time, effort and money we have put into the immigration process. If I do file for divorce, our immigration case is cancelled and re-applying can be extremely cumbersome so I need to 100% sure that this marriage is not capable of saving.
Is my husband's behavior grounds for divorce?