Re: Therapy, finally
At this time, I've had 2 appointments with my therapist, and she's said that I don't need to come back unless there's something pressing that I need to address. She's given me the name of a couples counsellor in her office, and I asked H about going with me; he's on board. It was also suggested that we should both be reading the book, "Feeling Good Together", then come together after certain stopping points to talk, which H said alright to as well. I'm not sure if this will actually happen, as he's more into reading non-fiction in his downtime, and has never looked up a book recommendation from me; he goes to his Mom for that.
Communication and intimacy were the last 2 things the therapist and I talked about. She wants us to work on communicating as equals instead of us right fighting, getting defensive, and him telling me that my tone/words/opinions are wrong, and I'm to practice being more open. As to the intimacy, this is something that bugs both H and I, but nothing has changed since we talked about our results of that marriage satisfaction survey. We attempted at our scheduled time this week, but his arms got too sore, and he was too out of breath, so we stopped. We were supposed to pick it back up yesterday, but H was too busy doing computer work. I haven't gained any interest in doing this with him, so I still can't get to the point of initiating, and still supplement with solo time. I have a feeling that he's losing interest too. I don't know.
I'm glad that H is willing to do the couple's therapy with me, but I still feel do damn checked out. I'm willing to work on the communication, but I don't know if I'll ever feel differently about the intimacy. I would be happier in a sexless marriage because that would take the pressure off completely. I know that I would be happier in a different relationship in this regard, but the way that he treats my dogs, I don't know if I'd ever find someone who's better. Plus, I would like a family. But, a part of me wonders if that's really important, or if I should just be happy with someone who enjoys travelling the world when we're able (every 2-3 years, a trip happens). We're supposed to be planning a hiking trip in Italy this summer, and I have zero interest in planning until my mind and heart are a little more settled. I look at the weekend we just had, and it involved H going to his weekend activity, and staying out for half of Saturday to come home and mark papers. Sunday, after breakfast, he spent the rest of the day until about 9:30pm, marking papers. I cooked meals for the week, lunches for both of us, did errands, cleaned and looked after the needs of the dogs. Neither of us would've had time for kids this particular weekend, and I know his job isn't going to change, and there's no one else to do the cooking, etc., unless we hire someone, which is too expensive.
And now I'm rambling, and still unsure. He's a good man; not a bad man at all, I just wish things were different in many regards. When I asked my therapist how long to give the changes to happen, she said 2-3 months. If we're both reading the book and coming together to talk about it, changes shouldn't take too long to happen. I was thinking around 6 months. Any thoughts on time limits? Kids? Status quo?