Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Re: My wife wants separation
Martin, sorry for what you are going through, it's a tough place to be in. Glad you can see that you too have contributed to the mess. I have lived with an alcoholic for much of my married life and can identify with the too much drinking at family and other events and the accompanying embarrassment due to the fights, bad behaviour etc. I am not surprised your wife is very hurt if this is something she asked you to stop but you ignored her, until now when she is leaving you. Somehow I get the feeling that there is more to what you are saying here, has alcohol abuse played a big part in your marriage?
However, her response in having a ONS is seriously flawed and she should be treated like any other WS. I know you want her back but you are not going to 'nice' her back into the relationship, the old marriage is gone, the only option is a) divorce or b) rebuilding a new marriage after you both work on yourselves
Are you sure that it was only a ONS and the OM is not still in the wings, hence her desire to have space?
YOu must investigate this first.
This may seem intuitive but you have to detach and give her what she wants
1. Do the 180 on her
2. Find out if the OM is still in the picture, if he is, find out if he is married and tell his wife, chances are she wants space to test drive him while keeping you as Plan B.
3. Tell your family and friends that your marriage is is trouble and why
4. Garner the help of a close relative or friend to help you through this
5. Consider going for IC and AA if you have a drinking problem
6. Put the marriage aside for now, do not badger her, do not beg, plead, cry etc, act business like, keep things about the household and the kids
7. See a lawyer to see what your options are
8. Is she wants to seperate, you do NOT move out of your house, she wants it, she moves out!
9. Stop organising the flat, this is what she wants, she organises it, you are not going anywhere, it is not what you want
10 Build yourself up, start the gym, running, sleeping properly, eating properly. Keep the emotions at bay.
Chances are you have really f*ed up with your past treatment of her and she is a WAW wife.