Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Husbands DUI on the job=DivorceTime?
All I will say is that I have personal experience with alcoholics and sooner or later you have to draw the line or support them with food and shelter while they drink. While he may recover, the recovery rate is about 33% so the odds are against you. Even when sober they may be mean and unpleasant people. This is just my opinion based on personal observation. My wife is still emotionally scarred from her alcoholic and violent father. I want to cry when I see the look of fear in my wife's eyes when she thinks she displeased me. Her father would beat her and nothing she did was good enough. He would quit drinking on and off, but because he missed it, was still a mean person. My wife raised her little sister and protected her. Often they had to live with my wife's best friend's parents for protection since her friend's father was a cop. My wife's two step brothers were alcoholics too and none made it past the age of 40, with one dying when he was in his late 20's. Her full brother is an alcoholic whom we have not seen in a very long time.
Then her best friend married an alcoholic and they were divorced within three years. She came home early one day and found him sitting in a bar drinking with their infant child on his lap. His wife stayed with us a lot before the divorce. She thought that having a baby with her loser husband would fix things, but it did not. After her divorce she left her baby with her mother and lived with us on and off as part of our family. My wife and her provided each other with support and love.
You have a 1 in 3 chance that he will recover so it is your decision to make. Alcoholism takes a major toll on those close to the alcoholic too. I really feel sorry for you. Even my wife had a two year struggle with alcoholism which obviously runs in her family. She would black out almost every night. I was not willing to live with her drinking, so I gave her an ultimatum of me or the booze and she knew where the booze would lead her. Both parents died before 65 due to drinking. She chose life and me and it has been 15 years since her last drink. None of her friends drink and I seldom drink, especially in front of her. I still worry about her relapsing since we are old with medical problems and the knowledge that death is close drives a lot of people in our retirement community to drink their fears and problems away. So far so good, but you need to give your husband an ultimatum or he has no reason to quit drinking. If he chooses booze over you, then you know where you stand in his life. My heart goes out to you.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.