I feel like I'm doing all the work
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and are currently separated. I live in our house and he lives in our studio apartment. We eat dinner together and try to reconnect by doing things on the weekends. He moved out about a month ago due to some OCD issues I'm struggling with that was affecting him. I've apologized profusely for my behavior and am currently going to an OCD specialist to help my food and anxiety issues. My therapist and I agree that I have made a lot of progress and I feel I have as well. My husband will not move back in until I get my OCD under control. I understand that, but it may take some time. My OCD isn't the only issue in our marriage. Too many details to go into, but we are trying to improve our relationship. It seems as though I'm doing all the work. I've been reading books and learning about what causes our arguments. I've been seeking out marriage counselors and have attempting to have calm discussions with my husband. Those discussions are failing. The other evening, we had an argument that blew up. I broke a door knob on our back door and I haven't fixed it yet. As he was walking in the door, he was saying expletives about the door and asking me if I did anything to fix it. I was honest and said I didn't. I don't think he meant to accuse me of anything, but his tone was very negative. I immediately got angry. End of that evening. Last evening, I attempted to talk about why I got upset using some of the strategies I read about. I told him how I felt stupid and accused and that connected to how I always felt growing up. He thought I was attacking him and yelled profusely in my face. He said I only want to be treated like a princess. End of that evening which left me crying. We haven't spoken since.
Long story short, I'm exhausted. I feel like giving up on the marriage. I'm trying to make it work, but it seems like he thinks we can do it on our own and figure out our issues. After years of counseling for various things, I know this isn't true. I love him and love being with him, but he seems so arrogant and downright mean sometimes. Backing up, we lost our daughter 3 years ago to a viral infection. Needless to say, it rocked our world, yet we have both made huge progress with the help of God, family and friends. We miss our daughter every moment. I think we have weathered our grief as well as we can and that has not caused our rifts. It's stuff we've been struggling with our whole marriage. Bottom line is I've had enough hurt and pain and the state of our marriage is depressing me to the point that I've considering calling off work, a job I love going to.
Any advice? I know this was a lot of info.