Trying to work on me - Talk About Marriage
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  • 2 Post By Ursula
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  • 1 Post By Satya
 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:11 PM Thread Starter
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Trying to work on me

I had my first appointment with a therapist late last week, and was able to air a lot of thoughts to her. Some things that she mentioned me doing are journaling, and getting some thoughts down on paper so they aren't all in my head. Maybe I'll be able to see a clear path by doing this. She also recommended a book: "Feeling Good Together" by David D. Burns, MD. Has anyone read this? Lo and behold, I checked our bookshelf, and H bought this a few years ago, so we have a hard copy, but I downloaded the eBook copy so I can read subtly it on my lunch breaks at work.

She also said that I might want to consider writing H a letter outlining some things that I would like his thoughts on, and why. I'm not sure how to do this, or even what I'd say, but the book does have a marriage satisfaction survey that I'd like us to take. I took a couple online this morning, and boy, the results really weren't good.

My next appointment is later this month. She also suggested that I bring him in for couples counseling at some point. And get this, H usually isn't home until 6pm or later, and so I scheduled my appointment to end at 4:30; got home just after 5pm. H was already home, and asked if I had anything to do after work that night. Yeah, there goes my stealthiness at trying to help myself!

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:17 PM
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Re: Trying to work on me

Why are you being stealthy? You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you are trying to improve yourself. Be proud of who you are, what you are doing and where it will take you (a better place)

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Trying to work on me

I had wanted to be stealthy because I didn't want to upset him, or be asked loads of questions about how therapy is going. To my surprise, he didn't ask anything about it at all. And yes, I'm hoping that it'll take me to a better place, as we've both changed, and not for the better. I notice it, and my Mom even said that he's different around me these days.


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Why are you being stealthy? You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you are trying to improve yourself. Be proud of who you are, what you are doing and where it will take you (a better place)
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:31 PM
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Re: Trying to work on me

So you are hiding the fact that you are going to therapy from your husband? Bad move, in my opinion.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Trying to work on me

Ursula, a lot of people do therapy, so I wouldn't be too self conscious or worry what your husband may think. He should be supportive of anything that would help with your self reflection and self improvement.

Women typically do a lot of thinking and reflecting by talking out loud. At least, I know I tend to. There have been many times I've just talked to myself when home, as it gives me a clear head and a clear plan.

Journaling is really good, because it gets things out of your brain so you don't dwell or obsess over them. We often have a lot on our mind, so when we commit it to paper (or electronic form) we consider it saved and not necessary to keep at the forefront of our mind any longer. I keep a hand written journal, even though I type very fast, because I enjoy the added relaxing process of writing neatly.

Sounds like good progress all around.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Trying to work on me

Hi Prunus, that was the plan for now, yes. I did plan on telling him after getting a few of my own things sorted out, and I also would like us to do couples counseling. But for now, this was going to be my thing, but he now knows about it.

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So you are hiding the fact that you are going to therapy from your husband? Bad move, in my opinion.
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