Well have survived the last week, and the voices here, from across the internet, have been of such tremendous assistance.
She has admitted it is emotional cheating and probably been going on for awhile. After some initial confusion I am pretty sure I know who it is and they are married with kids and in an unhappy marriage themselves, so she is going to feel trapped right now.
So she's keeping it a secret. Sounds like you're being played. No sex is one of the biggest lies told. Ask yourself this. If you hadn't suspected and pushed would she have continued the lie? Secret boyfriends in a marriage means you have not much to work with here.
She has gone away for the weekend to spend time with another friend (verified) to clear her head. Funny thing is I am sat at home this weekend and feel the most surreal calmness and possibly more settled than I have felt in months. It feels the shock is passing and, while I am still committed to the relationship, that is the promise I made and I will keep, the contingent plans for the future are
Sounds like your are letting her make the decision to keep you or not. That's a version of the "pick me game". Doing that you will just give her 100% control. You can bet there will be plenty of contact with her other man. That's what separation is used for. Quit being so naive.
I am sure there is a rough road ahead but for the moment I wanted to say thank you to the people who responded to my at times odd posts, and to those who have posted previously in various threads it has all been of huge assistance, more than I could have imagined from an internet forum.
It's going to be a lot rougher than it needs to be the way you're playing this.
The ones who come out best get strong and stay there. Yep it's a shock but you are burying your head in the sand a bit.
You never thought she'd do this, right? Cheating of any kind is based on lies. You don't know anything other than what she's told you.
Like most upfront you want so badly to believe. You'll do anything to stay in a state of denial.
We're just friends
It's just emotional
Taking time away for myself
Only sex one time
Etc, etc, etc
If you want a chance to save this the affair has to end first. Check your phone bills and inform his wife. However, you don't want to push her away. She's already gone. You won't be the first or last to make the mistake of helping them hide their affair.
Affairs thrive in secret and dark. Exposure usually ends it. If they have contact such as work the affair will continue.
Strength is attractive weakness is not. Better wake up!!!!
No marriage is perfect neither is she. Did you go out and have an affair? Take her off the pedestal you have her on and deal with this. See her for who she is not your fantasy of her.