This is more of a venting post than anything...
I'm so done!! I've been the only one working in my household for a while now... and I make really good money (almost $80,000/year).. but we're still going under.
I had a meeting at the bank today because I knew things were bad.. but I didn't know how bad. Between all the debt payments, and mortgage, and bills, I'm barely, barely scrapping by. My credit score is **** because I've been putting mortgage and groceries over my credit card payments... and my husband just sat there, stupid.
Didn't offer to work, find a job or nothing. My banker asked him three times, "You're not bringing in any money? not even cash jobs or anything?" .. I was humiliated.
I'm going to have to sell my house to pay off this debt .. and than rent for at least 6 months before I can get my credit score back up to where I can qualify for another house!
My husband's credit score is perfect! His debt is low... because everything's in my name!
I just can't believe it. I'm fuming!! I said in the meeting, "Wow, you're getting all the damn pie in this relationship!" I've had my tax guy AND my banker tell me I'd be better of financially without him!
I tried to justify it saying that it's better for my kids to have a parent in the home... but I don't know if that's real, or just excuses. I grew up in a single parent house, so I realize I have weird opinions about how a "healthy" home should look like...
I'm going to go home later today and he's going to look at me saying, "what do we do?" ... is it wrong for me to want a man that will take charge and say, "hey.. this is what I'M going to do to help us out, because I can see that you're already doing EVERYTHING you can!!"
Last time money came up and I told him how hard things were, and we may have to down size... instead of offering to get a job or to do something.. he just got moody and said, "I feel guilty. I feel like I'm letting you down" ... This is my fault because i ****ing baby him and say, "it's okay. the kids need one of us here for them" ... so it's just as much my fault for putting up with it! I'm angry at myself for being such a coward with him.
Guys, I'm so distraught. I told him not to talk to me in the car after the meeting because it was taking everything in me to not just say, "I'm DONE"
When we sell the house... I wanna rent my own place.
What does your husband with his time? Is her really taking care of the children? Does he take care of the home, shop, cook, etc? Or is he doing something else?
The fact is that you with your financial situation, he needs to work. And it looks like you need to stop enabling him.
I was married to a guy did not work most of our marriage. He made half assed attempts to find a job once in a while.
Things finally changed when I told him that I refused to support him anymore. I was going to divorce him if he did not get a job and start earning an income. He did nothing. I divorced him.
Then he saw the light. After all as a divorced guy, he had to support himself. He started a business. I had to help him do that because he had no money to buy the equipment. But now he supports himself.
Reality has a way of giving people a kick in the behind and getting them to act.
I suggest that you do the same thing. Tell him that he has 3 months (or some number of months) get a job, or start providing services through Craig’s list, etc. What are his skills. Surely he can find a way to earn money.
If he does not, divorce him. You have to do this for his own good if he will not find a job. What he is doing it’s not good for him. You are hurting him letting him continue as he is.
Now, about you selling your house. I suggest that you not do that. Instead filing for bankruptcy makes more sense. File for both you and your husband. You can eliminate most of your debt. You can keep your house and your car(s). You can get your credit score up pretty quickly after bankruptcy. It’s really not a problem.