My husband & I have been together for 7 years, married 4, and have a 3 yr old boy. I dont even know where to begin...this is very difficult for me to talk about this as i dont really talk much about my problems; i usually write. Writing no longer relieves the pain and stresses i deal with day to day.
I guess in a way you can say I'm SUPER depressed due to how my marriage has ended up. This is not how i thought my marriage would end up, how my life would end up. Im a very ambitious women. Once I set my mind, i accomplish my goals; of course thats far from who i am today. So yes. My husband isnt dealing with a very happy camper and it could be part of the reason he's so distant from me.
I showed interest first, took me 3 months to make him mine. I was so in love with him once i felt that first zing. I would do anything for him. We have a lot in common, hes super funny, and i feel 100% safe with him; like nothing can happen cuz i know he's there to protect me.
Im a very sexual person, very sexual, our sex was amazing! After moving in with one another and a terrible car accident the sex was far from the same, not as often...oh btw he NEVER goes down on me!! He still gets his almost daily bj but i would be left there a hot horny mess. Now. Sex isnt everything in a relationship so i try to look beyond the lack of sex and continued our growing relationship.
Of course we argue and when we do he ALWAYS leaves to cool down leaving me in a ball of fury ready to explode! Our arguments can get loud & escalade quickly, sheriffs have been called a few times. I have talked to him and told him how he could help me not to reach that point in an argument, and he refuses to try; even told me, "I'm not doing that." I was so in love with him i knew i could be the woman he wanted so i changed and compromised with him.
I basically proposed to him. I lost 40 ibs, we got married. We were so happy!! First argument right before i get to that boiling point he responds he wants a divorce. My world shattered and my heart started to break. We get over it life is great again and we're pregnant. (Planned) During the pregnancy i couldn't be happier. We were going to have our family!
I told my husband after losing weight if i start to get big again, please let me know so i can change it.
Baby is born. One week after hes born my husband tells me,"Hey love. You're starting to get a little large."
I couldnt believe my ears. I responded, "Excuse me!" for him to repeat himself, "you're getting a little large."
I informed him, "I just had a baby!!" Only to have him reply, "How long did that take you to eat?"
My first mothers day i get nothing, nothing is done. No breakfast, no present. His first fathers day i surprise him with photos, and some homemade stuff from the baby. Its also the same day we got into a little disagrement and he told me im no longer his #1. That his son comes first.
Let me also mention he wouldnt let me be a mom! He would change him after i dressed him, he would repack the diaper bag i just packed. If i framed a picture i like he could have found a better picture. He took the joy of being a mom out of me.
Now back to me being #2... I later discussed with him how thats not how it should be, because once the kids out of the house you're left with me.
Our sex became less and less. Ive talked to him about what i need and would like from him but he still doesnt go down on me. He told me, "you have a strong smell at times." Ummm yeah!!! Cuz im horny!!! I asked him is it because he may feel i wont like it? Did you go down on ur exs? Yes but he doesnt care for it. He's still getting bj on a regular bases just so u know.
By this point im not even sure if this man even loves me anymore. I would cry everyday.
Following summer, baby is 18m, in an argument he told me he wanted seperate addresses. He loves me, wants to be with me just not live with me.
I ran into an old male friend, before i knew it i cheated. My husband found out, we stayed together. When he asked why i told him there is no excuse to make what i did right but its cuz he neglected me. He agreed that he has been neglecting me but if i want this marriage to work i have to fight for him. Hes not going to fight for me.
Sex started to get better, he finally went down on me once, and since then only once, we were working on ourselves individually the works.
Then slowly our sex life cuts back to where we have sex once a month, he still gets regular bjs. I bring it up to him and he tells me that my size is getting to be a problem. That when he sees me naked he loses his boner. Weve also discussed how he doesnt seduce me, kiss me, turn me on. When i brought that up, he answered neither do you. Yeah cuz when i do he lays there like a statue, he doesnt respond to my kisses on the neck, shoulder, ears, his chest. I still try and he doesnt respond.
The other night i straddled him and started kissing him touching him and he sat there. Didnt even wrap his arms around me, touch my arm, or my face...nothing.
He has stopped helping me around the house, which is not much. Place laundry in hamper, take out trash, and wash dishes on nights when i cook and have to go to work right after.
We recently moved where only hes on the lease. Our first, and only, argument in new place the first thing he tried was kicking me out. I just didnt leave.
Theres other small things too. Like he knows i need a kiss goodnight and tell me you love me that i dont get, how he talks at me instead of to me, he kisses me like im his sister, hes usually disagreeing with me when im trying to scold our son.
We got really busy during holiday season where we werent even seeing one another much, like 15 min a day; seriously. So i didnt think of our problems. Now were slow and my mind is non stop of everything im going through.
My friend who is 69 told me i wont leave until im sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Im not there yet. I still love this man very much. Hes the father of my son, who i chose as my mate for life. But im not in love with him, yet i want that back. I miss how i used to look at him full of love for him, desire. I want him to see me and want me, kiss me all over and have sex. It'll never happen though, hasnt in the past 7 years ive been with him so why would it now?
The older our son becomes the more its going to hurt him so i feel like im on a time crunch and im seeing good and bad results in my marriage and i just dont know what to do.
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So you cheated on your husband because you felt neglected. Most couples take a few years to get over the fallout of infidelity, and that's with a lot of work together and desire to stay together. I'm surprised more posters here haven't had more to say about the fact that you cheated.
He has said and shown he isn't interested in being in the marriage, why do you want to stay with him?