Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Not sure what to do
Didn't you know this about him before you got married? I have seen so many woman marry the wrong man because they think he will change or they can change him. Adults rarely change their basic nature and even if they do, it may not be in a way you like. Both my wife and I have remained the same over the course of our 44+ years marriage. I knew who I was marrying and my wife is still the same.
If your husband's nature and behavior has changed drastically over the course of your marriage, it could indicate several things. He may be suffering from depression, cheating on you which causes him to push you away, no longer loves you, etc.. You need to ask him specific questions and let him know that if he does not communicate with you, you will be forced to leave him because you cannot live like you currently are.
Marriage counselling will not work if he does not want to save the marriage enough to go through it. Even if you go, I have yet to know a couple where marriage counselling saved their marriage. It seems to be more of a speed bump right before divorce. As I said, an adult cannot change much and love cannot be willed into or out of existence. It is either there or not. Much wiser people than me have said that if your spouse tells you that they no longer love you by word or deed, it is time to get out of the marriage. It is one thing if you have a specific problem to work out but it sounds like you have an overall problem with your husband and does not sound like he loves you at all.
Men will hang around as long as they have a place to live and food to eat. No reason to divorce if your needs are being met. I can go into the details of my marriage but it is so much different than yours. A marriage with mutual love and respect is something you yet to experience. It is a husband that wants to make you happy, who loves you unconditionally and shows that love to you in many ways. My wife and I have nothing in common. We do not even like the same TV shows and movies. Yet we made it work because of love. We have figured out ways around any problems we had because we loved each other and wanted to find a solution. I shower my wife with so much love and attention that she sometimes says that I smother her with love. Life can be so much better with the right husband and I do not think you have the right husband. You are young enough to divorce and find someone else, have kids and live happily ever after. Sounds like you are on a dead end street and grasping as straws to put off the inevitable.
You asked and this is my opinion, like it or not. Ultimately it is your decision, but I suspect that you know what it will be in the end. Good luck and I wish you a marriage like I have. I met my wife one day and three weeks later we were engaged. Truly love at first sight. I cannot imagine life without my wife and make sure she knows that I love her every day. I wish this for you.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.