I was going to say... what others said "give examples" and sokillme already took care of my response
A bit snippet: How old are you two?
I know people have this rather silly hangup about sex... but geez, you got some years under your belt, you have kids. Talking about sex shouldn't be a challenge.
BTW: I always recommend to people, anyone - that they should date/marry for 4~5 years before kids. It helps with bonding and you don't miss the freedom of being able to go out and "PARTY" or do anything else when you want to or need to. That's like... Want to do something, get toddler dressed. Want to go out? Need a babysitter... want to be out all night and come back the next afternoon - uh... parents/grandparents, if you have them. Want to go to Burningman for 10 days - uh...
I also agree with sokillme. Give him an ultimatum. He need to read, he needs to do... or the marriage is over. You want him to be a more active role in your marriage. Give him options.
1 - divorce, separate... he'll need to get a job.
2 - Get his act together, learn more about sex... learn how to talk. Maybe see if he is co-dependent. locate a local CODA group is there is any.
3 - Open the marriage up (which will likely result in you leaving your husband anyway). Thus, he becomes the live-in babysitter for you to go out - meet other guys and have your needs met.
Why I say bring this up? To see his reaction and to get him to do something... either he says "okay" or "uh... I don't like that idea". That may get him off is ass.
For many, open relationships work... I doubt it here. May let him know... that he needs someone else more like him or something. Too early to know, and you need to give him his final chance to do something. That you're not going to spend the rest of your life that way. Especially if you both are still in your 20s.
I am 27; H is 38.
He has always had a hard time talking openly about sex. I've tried everything I know how; I've approached the subject ever so gently, I've tried DOING instead of talking... I've explained to him, "I'm your wife; we need to be able to discuss sex and intimacy on deep levels. You dont have to be embarrassed with me.. I love you and I WANT to please you." ... he usually just says, "I like things the way they are."
I've asked him about fantasies but he stays closed lipped ... if I push it enough, he says he likes Asian women; which, I'm not.. So I don't feel there's a ton I can do there. And he wont give me anything else.. I've kind of given up on that front.
To get SUPER personal... last time we almost split up; in an act of desperation, he started sexting me while I was at work. He got quite detailed and dirty, and I loved it. I ate it up and responded positively. I had made plans previously that week to have dinner with a girl friend, and we continued the flirting and dirty texting all the way through my dinner. Now BECAUSE he and I were on the verge of a break up, I didn't know how to take these, I ended up having too many glasses of wine with my friend.. But by the time I got home, I was a drunk, hot mess, and we had amazing sex! He went down on me, got dominant with me, it was incredible.
However, also because I was drunk.. I started crying after (I know, baaad lol) and explained that I was hurt because he just showed me that he CAN be that seductive, sexy man... He just WON'T... He got annoyed with me for crying; which, I get.. I kind of ruined the mood; however, I still had a point. I asked where this behaviour came from and he said, "I just wanted you to remember me in a positive light"
We were able to get things started back up between us (not just because of that sex) and than the sex went right back down again. I've tried sexting him since, and sending him pictures but he responds with, "haha" or "that sounds nice" or "nice" and I eventually stop because he just doesnt seem into it; he doesn't seem into ME. My advances aren't taken well; and honestly, at this point, I'm not that interested in being intimate with him anyway. So I dont bother.
He wants to have another baby, so he'll sleep with me once or twice a month; saying things like, "maybe your pregnant now!"... I feel like he's only sleeping with me so he can get me pregnant. It's not a super loving feeling.