Are you happy you left? happy you stayed? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #61 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 03:19 PM
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Re: Are you happy you left? happy you stayed?

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Originally Posted by flyhigher View Post
I was considering giving him money to help him land on his feet... to give him the chance to find a job and secure himself in a place that's suitable for the kdis to visit. I don't want to totally screw him over; I'm not angry or seeking revenge. I just want the cleanest split I can get.
He's a grown-ass man. He can figure it out for himself.


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #62 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Are you happy you left? happy you stayed?

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I appreciate what you're saying here. I've told him over and over in last 2-3 years how unhappy I am. It often comes with false promises and a "this is just what marriage is like" attitude. I'm done asking for change.. I'm going to take charge now.

We almost separated last year, and I agreed to give it another shot. He told me he'd go into counselling, become more socially active, be a "better sport" (he's very negative and miserable in general) All of which hasn't happened. I started IC around that time, and he never went to his.. he just wants me to stop being unhappy and just accept that this is life.

I refuse to accept that this will be my life.
Good for you. It will be hard but people survive this and go on to thrive. Based on this info, I think if you don't leave you will deeply regret it. From your first post I thought everything was fine other than you just didn't feel butterflies in your stomach when he entered the room.

BTW, regarding your original question, I have stayed in a similar marriage. One difference being that now that I have learned things about marriage through websites like this, I'm much stronger and better at asking for what I want and my husband is being a much better partner and I am feeling love come back into our relationship. But while I am happy with our relationship at this moment, I deeply regret staying. I believe I could have found someone much better suited for me had I understood relationships and what my needs really were and put the effort into it. I love my husband, but I could have loved someone else too. Now I'm in my early 50's with no children and no savings because I stuck it out.

Last edited by WorkingWife; 03-16-2017 at 03:31 PM.
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post #63 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you happy you left? happy you stayed?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post

The house--was it yours before you married? Paid off? If it's pre-marital property, that's yours in the divorce. I wouldn't recommend selling it to pay off debts that are marital debts and which he is also responsible for.

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No, we bought the house together; its under both of our names. All of our debt is from when we were married; except for our school loans.. selling the house will pay off all of our debt, expect for those loans; which is awesome.
Plus, we should have enough left over to each take a healthy chunk of cash away.
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