Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce
Other posters may not know or realize that you've been on TAM, asking for ways to improve your marriage, for several years now. I think maybe 4 or more? So your request or agreement to divorce was by no means an impulsive move.
It's not in your OP here so the others also don't know that you've been the only one working since 2003 (although maybe that has changed since you were last here) and other items that make your case particularly challenging.
I hope that your husband now understands that you, too, are near of what you can handle in the marriage. I am glad to hear that you have a plan in place and know that you will be OK if your marriage is not able to survive. Sometimes having one spouse actually truly be ready to divorce is a wake up call and things finally improve; I hope that this is the case for you.
I hope that marriage counseling is helpful. I know that you have wanted to improve things between you and your husband for a very long time. Best of luck!
"If we hurt, we hurt others. If we love....guess what? Easy math, the basics, really. Add love, subtract anger, multiple kindness, divide suffering." Emergent Buddhist.