My knee jerk reaction is to put you and your desires first. That's just a hard wired response. If you can't do the same for me in this one area of our marriage - we probably shouldn't be together. And no - that doesn't mean sex on demand.
What it does mean is this. If you are calculating the bare minimum you can do for me, and have the marriage survive, that isn't about me, that's about you. It isn't love, it's self preservation. And if that's where we are, we shouldn't be together.
The bolded troubled me as I sat here digesting this sentence of this paragraph over my morning tea...
There is a part me, I'm sure, that shouldn't be with anybody because there is no perfect package in me that will satisfy any one person.
With practice, I assess the entire package and ensure that self-preservation is done for loving myself so I may be better at loving others.
Your words ring true (to me) about the "bare minimum" in anything, much less sex, and calculations have no part in a relationship yet they are allowed to introduce themselves on-demand where we start to confuse self-preservation with selfishness.
A fine line... is it not?
Yet incredibly clear at the same time as one's heart knows the difference even if the mind tries to convince it otherwise.
It takes more than understanding our partners languages... it takes acceptance, and therein lies our biggest struggle.
Be the balance you seek...