Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce
I've told this story before, but I knew a couple who lived in my hometown when I was growing up. They were close friends of our family, and in some ways I considered them a sort of aunt and uncle. They were ranchers. For twenty five years they lived way out of town on their ranch, about three miles off the highway, and which was accessible only by a very bumpy, sometimes washed-out, dirt road. They raised five kids together and ran a successful cattle operation.
Then once all the kids were gone, the wife decided that she no longer wanted to live at the ranch. Her mother had died and left her a house in town, so her husband fixed the place up and she moved in while he stayed out at the ranch. They only got together on weekends. He ran the ranch while she worked in town as a bookkeeper for several local businesses. But every weekend you would see them at the grocery store together, buying food and laughing and smiling and holding hands as they wandered up and down the isles. You would see them at church together every Sunday and they just looked in love. But they only got together on the weekends. She was very active in White Cross and other women's organizations, and was active in the Rotary Club. She did these things all by herself. Her husband was one of those respected men who everyone knew and liked, but you hardly ever saw him, because, well...he was on the back of a horse somewhere out in the sticks five days a week. I can imagine they only had sexual relations on those weekends when he came into town to stay with her.
They stayed married for fifty some ought years, and only moved back in together when he got old and frail and had to pass the ranch off to his sons.
What I am getting at is that these two people saw the value in their marriage beyond sex and differences in interests. They did not end it simply because she no longer wanted to live out in the boondocks. She lived her life and he lived his and they made it work. They had enough trust in each other to allow each other the freedom to do what made them happy.
I don't know why I'm telling this story, except to say that these two people managed to make it work for more than half a century. How tragic it would have been for them to have ended it once their kids were grown.