I just told my husband that I want a divorce - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

User Tag List

 107Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 11:17 AM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,941
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Damn! My eyes are not what they used to be. I miss little......words.

Damn! That means you are available.

Gents, the Lady is single, the Lady is intelligent, the Lady is experienced.

Her picker has run out of bad men. As luck [and the odds] would have it, you are poised for a better future.

Date long.....LTR.

Wait long enough for................ no shoe to drop.
This made me smile, thank you so much!


Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 11:25 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,257
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Yeah...had I known the bum wasn't working I wouldn't have shot my mouth off. My comments were made under the assumption he was an average working guy.

To me a man who doesn't work or bring in an income isn't a man. I'm sorry if that offends any SAHDs on here, but that is what I believe. Call me a caveman.

Given this new info, I think she should dump the bum.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #63 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 11:45 AM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,941
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Yeah...had I known the bum wasn't working I wouldn't have shot my mouth off. My comments were made under the assumption he was an average working guy.

To me a man who doesn't work or bring in an income isn't a man. I'm sorry if that offends any SAHDs on here, but that is what I believe. Call me a caveman.

Given this new info, I think she should dump the bum.
I have to agree. I'm kinda old fashioned that way, I believe a man who CAN work, SHOULD work. Also a woman with no/grown children should work as well.

OP hasnt checked back in a while....

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
 
post #64 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 11:59 AM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,423
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Yeah...had I known the bum wasn't working I wouldn't have shot my mouth off. My comments were made under the assumption he was an average working guy.

To me a man who doesn't work or bring in an income isn't a man. I'm sorry if that offends any SAHDs on here, but that is if what I believe. Call me a caveman.

Given this new info, I think she should dump the bum.
I honestly think a lot of women feel this way even when they agree with the sahd thing. It is a double standard but it's one of those things that has a biological basis.....we like strong men we know could take care of us if it came to it.

I know a few couples like this and each wife doesn't fully respect the husband even though each one agreed to it.

Contrary to what some men think you don't need to make more than us, at least for a lot of us. I make more and I'm fine with that because my hb works and contributes what he has. That's enough for me to respect him.
lifeistooshort is offline  
post #65 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 03:17 PM
Member
 
Blondilocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 3,677
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

How can it not get better? Since your first post, you've tolerated 3 1/2 more years of an angry, tantrum-throwing, non-working, lazy around the house, insulting, arrogant man-child. That's 3 1/2 more years of crap behavior your sons have observed and stored in their little memory banks as to how a man acts. You have limited time left to teach your sons what being an adult means. Good luck.
Blondilocks is offline  
post #66 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 02:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 93
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by x598 View Post
well I am going to offer some different advice.

the worn out, much over used, "i'm not happy" excuse.....well frankly I think you are kidding yourself. when you divorce, you are going to find out the grass isn't greener (another over used cliché, but still applicable) will be a hard and bitter lesson.

What are you expecting......to find a decent man later on....to only then figure out he wants sex a couple of times a week too? I find it interesting that you seem prepared to walk from the marriage since your needs aren't being met.....but see no valid reason HIS needs should be met, and even admit to not meeting them.

while it is good to be optimistic....you run the very real chance of destroying something that once upon a time you felt strong enough about to take vows on. The very real possibility that some of your desires in the relationship that aren't being met are all going to be fixed by finding someone new is very slim.

I agree there are times to give up, but I don't believe for a second you have done anything and everything in your power to address the issues you have with him, real or imagined. This would include IC for you alone.

good luck to you...my advice was not meant to be harsh or a criticism, just to make you pause and think about what you are really getting yourself into.
I believe that the ‘Grass can be Greener’ for some people who choose to leave their relationships and not such the case for others and it all boils down to luck. I know some women who marriages ended in their late 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s and are still single years later. Some are childless because they couldn’t find a suitable partner to settle down with. The same goes for my single girlfriends who have never married and are now in their late 40’s who also cannot find anyone suitable to share their lives with. All these women are incredibly attractive with great personalities and their standards I don’t feel are too high. Then I know other women meeting “Mr Right” soon after separating or divorcing.

I know that I found it very difficult in my 20’s to find a decent man let alone now at age 50 and I would love to meet someone again if I was to divorce but what are my chances of meeting that special person especially if I have kids and on limited funds. For me that is a huge risk to take and I don’t know if I could take that chance and get lucky or risk spending the rest of my life alone.

What I would like to see is how long a lot of these new relationships will last beyond the initial 3 to 4 years once the honeymoon phase is over because you see so many getting engaged, remarried or moving in with one another within a year of meeting. I bet you a lot of these sexual incompatibility problems that ended their last marriages will happened again in their new marriages later down the track due to complacency, aging, hormones, illness etc.

Saying that the ‘Grass is Greener’ to people contemplating on leaving their marriage is wrong because not everyone is going to go on and find their ‘soul mate’. It will depend on whether you still have dependent children living with you. If you are financially stable. Better chances of finding someone when you are younger, however, it will be much harder for older people in their late 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and upwards to find a suitable partner. Again, I know quite a few people who have lost their partners and would love to have the companionship of another person but cannot find anyone who is interested in them and not their money.

Again, I think it is also harder for the older single woman to find a decent guy close to her age because unfortunately a lot of older men prefer to go out with younger women even if they don’t want to have any more children, again which leaves the availability of 2:1 ratio for every single middle aged man mid 40’s and above who chooses to date an older women or a woman their own age.
Lifeiscomplicated is offline  
post #67 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,016
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
I was really sympathetic until I got to this post.

I will tell you what I told my wife of 25+ years (we have been together almost 28) early in our marriage.

My knee jerk reaction is to put you and your desires first. That's just a hard wired response. If you can't do the same for me in this one area of our marriage - we probably shouldn't be together. And no - that doesn't mean sex on demand.

What it does mean is this. If you are calculating the bare minimum you can do for me, and have the marriage survive, that isn't about me, that's about you. It isn't love, it's self preservation. And if that's where we are, we shouldn't be together.
Wow. That is a powerful and truthful statement. Really hits home with me.
Thound is offline  
post #68 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 08:56 AM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,941
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

@Running Mom, how are things going?

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
post #69 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,529
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Running Mom View Post
Thanks for the replies and support. This is why I really love this forum! I first wrote this post right after I told him we should split up. A few hours later we talked for hours and hours and have agreed to go to a marriage counselor. Even though we aren't getting divorced right now, I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted just by telling him that it's been on my mind. We've talked about divorce in the past and he's always been the one to bring it up. I thought I was just finally telling him that I agreed. But then he told me that he didn't really want to get divorced - he just sometimes says that because he's hurt and feels like he needs to say something shocking to get me to understand how serious he is.

He says his only problem with me is that we don't have enough sex. We've been fighting about sex for years now and I'm just so tired of it. If we don't have sex as often as he wants (which he says is way less than he REALLY wants but he's compromising with me), then he gets cranky and withdraws from me and I get very lonely and feel like there is nothing between us and that ALL he wants from me is sex and if he doesn't get that then nothing else I do has any meaning. When he's withdrawn, I don't feel like having sex and we get in this same loop of bad moods and no affection and no sex because there are bad moods and no affection.

Hopefully a marriage counselor can help us communicate a little better.
A man needs sex in order to be able to emotionally connect with and and open up to his wife. If you were able to stop refusing him sex so much things would almost certainly improve and bring you closer. Unless he is being really demanding, like wanting sex twice a day or something, then why refuse him? It will help the strengthen the marriage. I so hope that you dont get divorced, its so terrible damaging for the children and when there is no abuse or cheating there is always a way through difficulties.
I hope the counseling helps.
Diana7 is online now  
post #70 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:33 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,200
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lifeiscomplicated View Post
I believe that the ‘Grass can be Greener’ for some people who choose to leave their relationships and not such the case for others and it all boils down to luck. I know some women who marriages ended in their late 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s and are still single years later. Some are childless because they couldn’t find a suitable partner to settle down with. The same goes for my single girlfriends who have never married and are now in their late 40’s who also cannot find anyone suitable to share their lives with. All these women are incredibly attractive with great personalities and their standards I don’t feel are too high. Then I know other women meeting “Mr Right” soon after separating or divorcing.

I know that I found it very difficult in my 20’s to find a decent man let alone now at age 50 and I would love to meet someone again if I was to divorce but what are my chances of meeting that special person especially if I have kids and on limited funds. For me that is a huge risk to take and I don’t know if I could take that chance and get lucky or risk spending the rest of my life alone.

What I would like to see is how long a lot of these new relationships will last beyond the initial 3 to 4 years once the honeymoon phase is over because you see so many getting engaged, remarried or moving in with one another within a year of meeting. I bet you a lot of these sexual incompatibility problems that ended their last marriages will happened again in their new marriages later down the track due to complacency, aging, hormones, illness etc.

Saying that the ‘Grass is Greener’ to people contemplating on leaving their marriage is wrong because not everyone is going to go on and find their ‘soul mate’. It will depend on whether you still have dependent children living with you. If you are financially stable. Better chances of finding someone when you are younger, however, it will be much harder for older people in their late 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and upwards to find a suitable partner. Again, I know quite a few people who have lost their partners and would love to have the companionship of another person but cannot find anyone who is interested in them and not their money.

Again, I think it is also harder for the older single woman to find a decent guy close to her age because unfortunately a lot of older men prefer to go out with younger women even if they don’t want to have any more children, again which leaves the availability of 2:1 ratio for every single middle aged man mid 40’s and above who chooses to date an older women or a woman their own age.

This post is right on the mark.

A lot depends on luck.
A lot depends on wide exposure. Belonging to many organizations and involved in many activities. Activities that men are participating in. Net working these activities help. Letting others be matchmakers helps.
A lot depends on "Being fun to be with". Keeping the sour puss, locked up. Or turn the frown upside down...huh? No, turn it 180! Corners pointing up at a glance in the mirror.

Why do a lot of men want to go out with younger women? The chances are better that they are more active, less set in their ways. And, less dour. Less business like. More spontaneous. And they think that younger women will enjoy sex more. No more duty sex. Is this true? Not necessarilly. Any age man or women can be a Fogey. Or worse, a Curmudgeon.

Be a light hearted friendly soul. Smile a lot, even in the face of pain. This is hard to do. Easier to do when dating......when you stomach turns sour. You go home to Mr. Bromo Seltzer and drink his fizz.

When men ask about your interests, tell then that you like to be active, like to do outdoor activities, you like sports, travel, hand holding....intimacy if the right guy arrives. This may be a White Lie, but bend a little to gain a lot.

Make the man feel good about himself. They are so easily pleased.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is online now  
post #71 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:25 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,529
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
This post is right on the mark.

A lot depends on luck.
A lot depends on wide exposure. Belonging to many organizations and involved in many activities. Activities that men are participating in. Net working these activities help. Letting others be matchmakers helps.
A lot depends on "Being fun to be with". Keeping the sour puss, locked up. Or turn the frown upside down...huh? No, turn it 180! Corners pointing up at a glance in the mirror.

Why do a lot of men want to go out with younger women? The chances are better that they are more active, less set in their ways. And, less dour. Less business like. More spontaneous. And they think that younger women will enjoy sex more. No more duty sex. Is this true? Not necessarilly. Any age man or women can be a Fogey. Or worse, a Curmudgeon.

Be a light hearted friendly soul. Smile a lot, even in the face of pain. This is hard to do. Easier to do when dating......when you stomach turns sour. You go home to Mr. Bromo Seltzer and drink his fizz.

When men ask about your interests, tell then that you like to be active, like to do outdoor activities, you like sports, travel, hand holding....intimacy if the right guy arrives. This may be a White Lie, but bend a little to gain a lot.

Make the man feel good about himself. They are so easily pleased.
I so admire men who will look for women of their own age. The trouble with some older men on the dating scene, is they they think they are still 21 and will make comments like ' women of my age cant keep up with me', and 'I look and act much younger than I am', all of course in their heads not in reality. Any man making such a crazy comment would put me off him immediately. I mean when my daughter was on a dating site in her early 30's she had men of my age in their 50s contacting her, I mean yuk.
Many of them want a younger lady for their own ego and to make them feel young and virile, but its pathetic really. Many women of their age have far more energy than they do, and women live longer anyway.

I am thankful that the man I met and married in my late 40's wasn't bothered that he was a year younger than me.

Last edited by Diana7; 03-03-2017 at 10:07 PM.
Diana7 is online now  
post #72 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:53 PM
Member
 
Red Sonja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 704
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
You know, there are women on this forum and out in the world who would give ten years off their life to have a husband who desires them sexually.
** raises hand ** That would be me. I would gladly agree to give up the rest of my life in return for a few years with such a man.

Sad I know, but very true.
Red Sonja is online now  
post #73 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:43 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,420
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Behind every younger woman is an older one waiting to happen.

I've known plenty of older women in my life who had this mature zest for life that a younger woman just can't know (unless she's very mature for her age).

An older man I once knew, a serial dater, told me he was tired of dating younger women. When I asked why, he said that they were usually like cotton candy - something you crave, then you realize how sweet it is, you get sick of it fast, and you always bin it because you can't possibly finish it.

I know, I know...

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #74 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 06:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 710
Re: I just told my husband that I want a divorce

Why are you dependent on your spouse for your happiness?

Has he done things to hurt you on purpose?

Other people can not "make" you happy. You have to do that yourself. Your own happiness comes from you.

Now if he is abusing you then yes leave the POS.

If he is a bad father and husband then leave him and protect the kids.

But, if he is doing everything he can for you, the kids and the marriage, then you need to look in the mirror to figure this out. This is on you if you can say he's a good husband and father.

Also, I can very well understand him being upset if he has been trying his best for two years to fix the marriage. Then you come along and drop the ILYBNILWY bomb in him. And no he would have never have tried to fix if he was not in love with you.

I think you should figure out why your not happy before you make a change. You might find when you are all alone that no one else is making you happy.
ABHale is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband asked for divorce Kettlebelle Going Through Divorce or Separation 93 11-07-2016 09:15 AM
My husband told me that I'm not feminine and it really hurts Junipermom General Relationship Discussion 29 10-31-2016 01:16 PM
Deceit, drama, annnnd divorce??? kettle General Relationship Discussion 11 10-29-2016 01:20 PM
Wife left, pushed the divorce and ever since I agreed, she's dragging her feet? whatisluv Going Through Divorce or Separation 52 10-25-2016 10:44 AM
(M+M) Frustrated Married Guy, At Wits End, Considering Divorce checkedoutdude Coping with Infidelity 26 01-23-2016 12:05 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome