Wife Does Not Find me Attractive - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

There are some women who say things but really don't think about how terribly hurtful the things that were said are to you. It's really awful when one of them turn out to be your wife. This is just one of the ways our marriage got off to a horrible start. I know how you feel and agree with most that you should at least work with her to get her to respect you and try to be mindful how much this hurts you. I do think that really the only way to stop this permanently is to divorce her.


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post #17 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 12:17 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Divorce her. Why in hell would you stay with someone who isnt attracted to you??

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #18 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 12:44 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.

I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.

I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.
Your W may have more than just one thing on her mind. Personally, I would look to move on and find someone who does not put others down due to looks.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
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post #19 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:31 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Are you sure you're as attractive as you think you are? What are your hygiene habits like? My husband has a body most men would kill for, but his oral hygiene is pretty poor. His entire family does not take pride in their teeth so I blame them, but as an adult it's disgusting and I confess I belittle him if he goes on day 5 without brushing. Sorry. Not sorry. Do you just throw on some sweats and never do your hair? Her treatment of you isn't right, but it's one thing to be decent looking and quite another not to put in any effort. As a woman it takes so mch ****ing effort to maintain an apperance that I want my equal. All of the shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures.. That's just BASIC care. Maybe she wants more effort on your part?
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post #20 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:31 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
Even if your wife was not such a clod by reminding you that she doesn't find you attractive and telling you that her ex-boyfriends were much more attractive, you would still have a wife that doesn't find you attractive. If your wife simply stops reminding you about it, you still would not really feel much better. Consider ending it and then look for a lady who is as in to you as you are to her. It takes time and a bit of luck to find such a person, but even being single would likely be a big improvement.

Some men don't care if their wife thinks they're unattractive, but you're not one of those men.
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post #21 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

She's a rude, cruel, inconsiderate b!tch. That would be the reason I would divorce her.

You being unattractive to her is something you cannot fix. You staying married to her hateful ass IS something you can fix.
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post #22 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:55 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
She is either lying and a bit looney, or being truthful and scared to be alone.
I think also she's scared to be alone and insecure. It's sort of akin to bullying behaviour, the more she puts you down, the more (she thinks) you will stay because you'll will think nobody will want you. You begin to think that you're worthless basically.

My ex did this, it still affects me to this day.
Looking back, it was the first signs of what became an abusive relationship.

Follow your gut instincts, you know that you deserve better than this, don't wait until it gets worse.

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post #23 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:07 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Divorce her.

Then find a counselor to work on your self esteem. Someone could look like Sloth from the Goonies and they dont deserve to be treated the way you are by your wife. Your looks and your wife's treatment of you are two seperate things.

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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post #24 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:16 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

,You are her sounding board. She is bouncing her inner desires against your outer shell. And that shell [to her] is bland.

She has exceptional vision. Yes, she does.

She can look right through you, not see you. Not see any value in you.

She only sees herself as being.....unhappy.

You see, she is a believer in the "Value Added" theorem. She has no intrinsic value unless she can stand in the shadow of an attractive man.

She only sees herself as being....unhappy. I see her as being incomplete. She has low esteem. She has low esteem and it is your fault.

Her outlook is flat as a smooth board. And you have caused her to be.......bored....with you

She is a Flat Earther. She sees everything in 'two' dimensions, viz., 1) A man's looks -and- 2) Her standing next to that man . She inflates her deflated ego by idolizing the plastic entities that fill the streets of Hollywood, of Bollywood. She and her ilk stand in the shadows of two legged Shadows.

Have you noticed that the plainest people, those that are "judged" to be five or sixes on a scale of ten, wear the most outlandish clothes, wear their hair in a style that makes others look. They get the most tattoos...most outlandish tattoos. Add the ear lobe inner rings, the nose and lip rings. You get the picture.

These same sad folks worship the "perceived" Nines and Tens. You know, those good lookers that exist on the surface of life's ocean.

Why? Because these dependent souls are not comfortable in their own skin....and it is "your" fault.

She is "Shallow Sal" and you are not shallow Hal, hence your pain.

Trade her in for a women with good eyesight.... with good sensate. Trade her in for a women who will stroke your Ego. Both of them.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by SunCMars; 02-22-2017 at 02:20 PM.
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post #25 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Post a quick pic of yourself, or send one in a PM to a volunteer from the TAM Lady Corps to look at you. I would venture you are not unattractive at all.

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post #26 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
Let me get this straight.
Your wife insults you regularly,putting you down and admiring other guys.
You have very little or no sex.
You tell her this is hurting you but she doesn't care.
Other than that you have a great marriage.
This is like the old line"apart from that,did you enjoy the play Mrs Lincoln"
You're wife doesn't give a rats ass about you or your meaningless ultimations.
Get out and stay out.
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post #27 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:36 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Sounds like she's trying to get you to divorce her. Take her offer.
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post #28 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
Do either of you work outside the home?

If so, she's cheating.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #29 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

You should read: I Hate You Don't Leave Me.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #30 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:43 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

This is not about looks it's about respect. She has none for you, and you have none for yourself. Be firm, and put your foot down. She says it again... say your loving out and get separated. You need to mean business if you want her to change and start to appreciate and respect you.
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