Wife Does Not Find me Attractive - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

I get this type of 'honesty' from my wife.

Is your wife on the ASD spectrum, by any chance?



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post #32 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
You can try marriage counseling together, but aside from that, nothing. In fact, it can make it worse if you have a bad marriage counselor. You'd be amazed how some are just really really bad.

However, I will tell you, if you have no self respect, how do you expect others to treat you? You need to respect yourself first before others will start to respect you. It's just a fact of life.
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post #33 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.

I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.

I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.
Dear God.

RUN AWAY NOW.

At some point, this will break you.

Have you no respect for yourself? We know your wife doesn't!

Anyone that spoke to me like that would have been warned - knock that sh!t off now.
Next time it happened - you're canceled - I'll get another one better than you

We protect ourselves from lies,
By fanatically holding to our own truths.
But when our truths turn to fanaticism,
Our truths become the Lie.
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post #34 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
I get this type of 'honesty' from my wife.
Yeah.... we know.
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post #35 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Out of your entire post, the "settled" comment would irritate me more than anything. There are better looking men and women all over this planet so, I could give rat's ass about looks. Settling, to me at any rate, implies I bring nothing else to the table equal or better than your other lovers. I'd be out the door just on the fact you told me I was plan B. Uglier is just the cherry on top.
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post #36 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 05:42 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Post a quick pic of yourself, or send one in a PM to a volunteer from the TAM Lady Corps to look at you. I would venture you are not unattractive at all.
You too, Bandit!

You, then me!

I will send in mine...only if I do not have to unscrew one of my ears. I cannot risk having someone peek inside the pumpkin.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #37 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 06:11 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

The toughest thing will be wrestling your ego into accepting that your wife finds you so unattractive that she's happy to share that fact with you. Repeatedly.

Once you come to grips with that and are at peace with it, divorcing her will be easy.
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post #38 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 06:13 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Yeah.... we know.
But she is right. I ain't no oil painting!

However, that said, if his wife doesn't have -for example- an ASD, and he is not unattractive, then she is lying to him and has some nefarious aim.

And he needs to find out what she is doing and deal with it. Whatever it is.


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post #39 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
You too, Bandit!

You, then me!

I will send in mine...only if I do not have to unscrew one of my ears. I cannot risk having someone peek inside the pumpkin.
So you're all orange and squishy inside huh?
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post #40 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:17 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Are you sure you're as attractive as you think you are? What are your hygiene habits like? My husband has a body most men would kill for, but his oral hygiene is pretty poor. His entire family does not take pride in their teeth so I blame them, but as an adult it's disgusting and I confess I belittle him if he goes on day 5 without brushing. Sorry. Not sorry. Do you just throw on some sweats and never do your hair? Her treatment of you isn't right, but it's one thing to be decent looking and quite another not to put in any effort. As a woman it takes so mch ****ing effort to maintain an apperance that I want my equal. All of the shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures.. That's just BASIC care. Maybe she wants more effort on your part?
Don't be an ass...there is no excuse for her language.

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post #41 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Ever hear the statement, "Familiarity breeds contempt?"

A little of that going on here. I believe it has less to do with your looks and more to do with her looks. Her feeling of contempt for all the little idiosyncrasies you have. We all do.

Another isssue. She has lost respect and love for you.

How can a women attack a man and do so effectively? How can she really hurt her man? Especially, if she wants to break him. Break down his resolve.

A few things come to mind.
She can tell him he is ugly.
She can tell him he smells.
She can tell him he is a failure, by pointing out all his shortcomings.
She can tell him he is a lousy lover.
She can tell him he is stupid.
She can tell him he is lousy in bed.
She can tell him that he is an embarrassment to her and her family, to his family.
She can tell him that she settled for him. Her other boyfriends were better looking. She could have done better. She screwed up when she picked him.
She can tell him that she has stupidly put up with his bad personality, his bad mistakes, his lousy career. His lack of ambition. His low ranking in society.

She can tell him his **** is too small and she should have married her last boyfriend. The one with the big one.

There is discontent and malice in this women's heart. It may be sub-conscious, it may be her way of pushing him away, with the hope that he will leave her. She is too weak to leave on her own.
This has Mid-Life-Crisis written all over it. She is self destructive, no self destroying. The "self" she is destroying is him, OP, the husband. She wants to break him. Destroy his love for her.

This is classic lack of impulse control. The sharp tongue cannot be dulled lest it meet the steel resolve of a hardened man. Op is not hardened.

I see a cutter in her. Only she cuts others. She cuts others with her words. Nay, not a drop of blood flows out, but emotional scars become the resultant. Those scars are on her husbands pride. Soon the scars will limit his Ego's mobility. OP's ego will become paralyzed and will just whimper away.

Her "self" is in flux, has no handle to grip. No bodily handle to grasp, stare at, and understand. I see an un-winding Slinky. A Lady that is unwinding, wobbly heading down the stairs. Down the stairs, assisted by a lack of self directed purpose and a lack of the gravity of her situation, and her true feelings. She is suppressing that which cannot be forever silenced, She wants out, she wants the freedom to lust after the pretty faces.

She is a cutter, a Scorpio in flesh, in deed, and in action.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #42 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:09 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
NO KIDS --- GTFO !! Simple.


BTW, your response to her should have been, "Well it looks like I settled too. Now its time to fix that mistake"

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

- Benjamin Franklin
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post #43 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:13 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

She's apparently bored with you and wishing she had her old boyfriend(s) back. She continues to say hurtful things because she can get away with it. And then there's the issue of no sex.

I don't see the benefit of staying.
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post #44 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

At this point you don't have much to lose so start giving as good as you get. Your eyes may be small but they don't prevent you from seeing an ugly person and your hair may be flat but your thinking is not impaired. Let her know that you wouldn't screw her with another man's penis. Then have her mean, uppity ass served.
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post #45 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:50 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

I think you'll find that once you present her with divorce papers, she suddenly rediscovers her attraction to you. And the attraction will be genuine. She is playing some kind of power game with you, putting you down to see how much you'll take. I think she actually wants you to respond forcefully so that you can reassert your dominance and she can respect you again, and feel safe and comfortable. In "redpill" parlance, she's giving you a "sh** test". Take a stand now, in any case.

But it's your call on whether you can respect someone who plays games like this and whether you'd like to stay married only to replay this game every few months. Good luck.
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