Wife Does Not Find me Attractive - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:00 PM Thread Starter
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Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks

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post #2 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:14 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

I am a woman and will tell you first off, she has no respect for you. What does she expect you to do, have a body transplant or plastic surgery? She sounds incredibly shallow and childish.
Ask her this the next time. Ask her does she realise how offensive and hurtful she is being. Ask her how she would feel if you started telling her negative things about certain aspects of her body. I am sure she is not perfect.
Tell her if she doesn't stop with this, you will have no choice but to divorce her and find someone who will actually appreciate you. Be firm but loving.



Give her a timeframe. If she doesn't change, then you cannot stay in a marriage like this.

The other thing you have to consider is if she is comparing you with someone else who is in the picture. When did this behaviour start?
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post #3 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

I want to cry reading your post. How sad that she says these things, why did she marry you? I'd think about leaving, and definitely don't bring kids right now into the situation. You might be spending all your time together (you think) but she could be in an emotional affair, like maybe something she started on facebook or something. I'd not discount that. Hoping things get better for you.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #4 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:28 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Sorry brother. You can't recover from this. People can't control who they are attractive to. Just let her go. Go find someone that wants your d!ck everyday. There are plenty of good looking women out there that will do just that. Trust me!

What's in it for you to stay married to her? You have no kids. You are lucky! Divorce will be simple and you're young. Plenty of time to start over. I got divorced last year and it was the best thing that could ever happen to me.

File for divorce tomorrow and get your new life started NOW!
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post #5 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:35 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

She is either lying and a bit looney, or being truthful and scared to be alone.

Either situation calls for the same solution.

Set her free.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #6 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:43 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.

I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.

I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.
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post #7 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:48 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

This is only the tip of that iceberg... there is much more you may not be seeing under this surface.
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post #8 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:24 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks
Just divorce her. She doesn't find you attractive and on top of that she is a jerk. The rest of your life will thank you.
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post #9 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:31 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

There is no way in hell that I would/could put up with that. I'm having issues with my M but if W said that to my face it's over...M 30+
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post #10 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:42 PM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

I can't imagine being cruel enough to stay that to someone. I had an issue with my husband's hairstyle and did not tell him for six or seven years. When I did, I didn't tell him he was unattractive. I simply told him the hairstyle was aging him. It was a combover. He was very hurt but now he thinks shaving his head was the best thing he has ever done.

We are currently separated, but it has nothing to do with that ;-)

Have you guys ever seen a therapist together? It would be interesting to see what their opinion was and what her reasoning is for telling you that.


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post #11 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:03 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Sometimes self respect trumps love. This is one of those times.
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post #12 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:32 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

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Originally Posted by Data Man View Post

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great.

Thanks
Yeah great, with the exception of her saying the stuff that almost makes you want to divorce her.

See this is almost like when someone gets cheated on and they say apart from the cheating everything is great. You literally have this gigantic underlying issue in your marriage that bubbles up every once in while, that chips away at your self worth, sure you can hang out, have "fun" but imagine years and years of this treatment, your self worth will be in the toilet by the end.

100% she might not cheat, but does it matter, if she tells you you're ugly and won't have sex with you?

And stop telling her how much it hurts you. It's weak, as you've seen she'll go right ahead and keep doing it.

Maybe she just doesn't ahem..find you attractive. Believe what she's saying to you is her truth, you can't force her to bang you or to find you attractive can you?
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post #13 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Wow. she just doesn't sound like a very nice person. I wouldn't speak that way to anyone, much less someone I loved. She's mean, that's the bottom line. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who's mean to me!!
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post #14 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:30 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Check your phone bill.
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post #15 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:34 AM
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Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data Man View Post
Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.

I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.

I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.
Read up
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrBT...XutMPiIiU0xAE-

I can guarantee you the world won't end and the sun will come up in the mornings without her in your life. Why take this crap?
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