Finally Ready - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: Finally Ready

I know someone who the divorce papers served a week after her husband paid for her son's last semester of college. She is happily married to someone else for 23 years now. She got divorced when she was 40. It is never too late to have a good life.


Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Finally Ready

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Originally Posted by Not sure anymore View Post
I did look into everything I could to see if there was someone else and never have found anything. Sometimes I wish I would have.
I totally know the feeling of "wishing" you had found something the other had done wrong. I feel like way a lot, too, about my relationship, but that's just because I hate being "the bad guy"... if he would do something wrong that I would have a great excuse to leave, guilt free, and everyone would be on my side.

But; that's not the truth and not what we NEED. That's victimizing ourselves, which is not empowering, and is not teaching us anything. While on this journey; whether you stay or leave, you need to start looking at yourself too. There's a reason that you are not happy, and it may not be entirely HIS fault. We all bring things to the table; and if you want any chance of making this, or a future relationship work, you have to be willing to go inside and check yourself. It's easy to blame, but no one is perfect, and i know for a fact, there are things you're doing that are not helping the situation.

I've been reading a book called "Warrior Goddess Training" by Heatherash Amara; and it touches on being your own source of love and empowerment. Forgiveness will set you free, and it's not about what others do, it's about how you react to what others do. When we have unripened emotions or traumas, they will continue to resurface until we choose to acknowledge and deal with them.

It's an empowering book, and I suggest all women read it. It allows us to come out of that victim role, and be strong in our decisions and needs and to stop feeling so guilty about setting boundaries and wanting our needs met.

It may be a great book for you to read!
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Finally Ready

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I totally know the feeling of "wishing" you had found something the other had done wrong. I feel like way a lot, too, about my relationship, but that's just because I hate being "the bad guy"... if he would do something wrong that I would have a great excuse to leave, guilt free, and everyone would be on my side.
You're right I have thought about how much easier it would be, but not because I care about what others think. I know my husband and how he will react as soon as I start this conversation. He will turn it around to make me the bad guy. A few years ago I tried to have this conversation not with the intention of leaving then but saying that I was coming close. All I got was how selfish I was and how could I tear our family apart.

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I It's easy to blame, but no one is perfect, and i know for a fact, there are things you're doing that are not helping the situation.
You're also right that I am not blameless in this. I am not perfect and I should have paid more attention to my marriage. When I started noticing things weren't going well and tried to talk to him I got "You just aren't as attractive as you used to be", "You are not the same person I married" and one of my favorites "You can't rely on me for you happiness." So I'm sure there are things I'm doing that are not helping the situation.
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