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Finally Ready

3K views 17 replies 11 participants last post by  Not sure anymore 
#1 ·
I have been thinking about divorce for a while. Little background: I have repeatedly tried to get my husband to understand my needs for years. We have been married for 24 years together for 27, me 44 him 47. He stopped showing any kind of affection about 10 years ago, including sex. He will not go to Dr. To see if anything is wrong and will not go to counseling. We get along well no fighting for the most part. He is just not interested in me. Basically living as roommates. He is a good father.

I made myself stay till my child graduated school, I wanted him to have both parents around. So I am finally ready and literally the same week I am going to tell my husband my son announced he has asked his girlfriend to get married. So how can I say anything now? He would be devastated (my son).

Can I be that selfish now after waiting so long or is it OK to leave?
 
#3 ·
All your old threads are deleted so I never knew anything about you other than the very helpful advice that you gave me.Man,to go that long without any intimacy must be hell,why do you do it,you are only fifty.
 
#4 ·
I don't believe in bidding your time to leave. Have a frank conversation with your H. Let him know your time line and see if you guys could start working on your separation. Your son is old enough to understand what has been happening in your marriage. He is old enough to accept that his parents will be divorce. It will hurt him if you do it now or 10 years later. All kids gets disappointed and hurt when their lives changes.
 
#15 ·
Your son will understand because he has seen it coming for ten years. People always try to shelter their kids from the truth, but kids are not stupid...they see EVERYTHING. They can feel it. Plus is he now grown enough to be getting married himself, so to be blunt, he doesnt get input at this point. This is about YOU.

Dont be afraid of being on your own, its extremely empowering! And dont go trying to date right off the bat, you do yourself no favors doing that. Get your life and your mind together first.
 
#5 · (Edited)
Maybe sons wedding was just easy way to put it off. Being single after so long is kinda scary. It's not the financial part that scares me I can support myself it's actually being alone and having to think about getting out there again. I have been faithful throughout my marriage. It's hard not to wonder if it is just me.
 
#11 ·
Being single after being miserable for so long will be a thing of joy for you! I was married for twenty and unhappy for many, like you I stayed out of perceived obligation, it wasn't that I wanted to stay, I just didn't want to hurt or upset others. Trust me on this, your son knows you are unhappy, he can see the lack of affection in your marriage, he should understand. And if he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.

What you should be scared about is spending the next thirty years of your life as unhappy as you have been for the last ten. That's a sad and scary thought.
 
#7 ·
I was married for 20 plus years and I have no children. My divorce will be final in July. I was in a sexless marriage for the past 6 years and he barely touched me before then unless it was for sex and those awful peck kisses.....UGH! So, about 10 years too.

Do this now. If you want to try one last time, give him a timeline and what you expect. Then, enforce it. This has nothing to do with your son. It may be a couple of years before they even set a date.

You got this!
 
#8 ·
I know those peck kisses. I get three a day, 1 in morning, in evening when he gets home and one before bed. Hate them and the half hug where he barely puts his arms around me. Basically taps me on the shoulders. I have talked till I'm blue in the face. H sees nothing wrong with the way things are.
 
#13 ·
He stopped showing any affection 10 years ago, was there any particular life event then?
Does he have a mistress? It is possible you know? Men do not suddenly turn off that aspect of their being if everything was fine before that?

Do some digging, without him knowing.
 
#14 ·
That was just when I noticed. Not sure really if it was longer. With child's activities, work, household and just life I guess I didn't pay attention. He doesn't really do any of the extra things if it doesn't involve him personally. So it seemed like I was always busy.

I did look into everything I could to see if there was someone else and never have found anything. Sometimes I wish I would have.
 
#16 ·
I know someone who the divorce papers served a week after her husband paid for her son's last semester of college. She is happily married to someone else for 23 years now. She got divorced when she was 40. It is never too late to have a good life.
 
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