You did marry young, and your primary hurdle will be learning acceptance and patience with another while you remain married and together.
Mature acceptance is that little voice in us that watches someone we love and choose to live with and says "I respect our differences".
The challenge is, you didn't get to practice it much on others and now that task is placed on your relationship.
What is the root of your honesty?
Is such "honesty" driven by pointing out each other's flaws in a "you are not making me happy" game? If so, ask yourself if that is really what honesty is meant to be, or are you making it a tool of your own design to express your disappointments that things simply are not perfect.
You may think and say, "I don't expect perfection", but to say that you are also saying "I accept imperfection" and that is where honesty comes in, for yourself.
It takes two to argue... free yourself from this downward spiral that comes when defensiveness builds these mindful robbing energy suckers that take away from the love and kindness that should be there.
I hear so many things that give hope to your relationship. I know you cannot see them from the hole you feel yourself in but a lot of this is because when we are learning to grow, everything seems so overwhelming to us.
When I was a child, in my grandmother's back yard she had a cinderblock garden wall that retained the elevated garden back from the grass and it was the tallest thing I had ever jumped from. My cousins and I challenged another, time and time again, who was brave enough and when such was met, who was bravest to run and jump the farthest.
In my 30's when my grandmother moved, I walked back to that wall and in wasn't even two feet high. I marveled at my thought of how tall and insurmountable that wall was to me then. After time and growth, that was was no longer not just a challenge, but a marker to how far I had come... not only in physical growth, but in thoughts of how I had learned to overcome at least one fear, with success.
You have wonderful anchors... you love her and I'll bet she you, loyalty and undying love for your son. Now is the time to stop eroding those anchor points by inspiring yourself. Accept that chiseling away with arguments is defeating your calm and look at yourself to what is reasonable, and what is not... can you do that with honesty?
Honesty is sometimes simply realizing we take ourselves way too seriously and confuse values with desires. Does her not keeping a "clean" house to your standard a health and true safety issue, or is it something like pride getting in the way? I've cleaned hundreds of toilets thousands of times in my Army days... I know how to pass an IG inspection hands down, yet my wife is very critical of my toilet cleaning skills. She says I can never reach her standards and I share with her that is probably very true, yet I can get to perhaps 80-90% for my effort and that only leaves her the remaining percentage to complete!
But in the past she would rather be critical instead of see that so much was already done... her eyes cannot see such and she shared she would rather do the whole thing rather than me make my effort. With a smile, that is her choice... I will still do my weekly touch up to keep the "ick" to a reasonable level and I am happy where I leave it. I could let her criticism of my standards wear me down (and have in the past) but instead use different tools understanding my happiness is not directed by her, it comes from my own satisfaction.
That I can't get that last 10% is her problem, not mine.
One can feel a little emotionally beat up by all this... her words of "I don't complain, you shouldn't either." may speak of a desire of acceptance that is possibly misunderstood by you both.
Unless you can practice it, you will never be good in it.
"I'd like us to learn to communicate better and I think these skills will help our love grow the way it needs to " is much kinder than "we need counseling".
Does it have the same goal? Absolutely... but one is formed in encouragement, cooperation, and confidence... an invitation so to speak. The other sounds directing, pointed, and self-doubting.
Which would you prefer to be presented with when there is honesty in both?