Do I stay or do I go? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:50 PM
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Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Maybe there are details underneath all this that make things different, but...

2014 is only three years ago. You didn't say if one of you owned the acres before marriage or not. But - it seems it would be fairly easy to return mainly to where you were, financially and socially, to only three years back, no?

I see nothing in his behavior that says he wants to be married.

As Joseph Campbell says, marriage is not sacrificing yourself for the other person. Marriage is sacrificing yourself to the ONE that the two people become. And he is not only unwilling to sacrifice himself to the marriage, but worse, puts money ahead of soul and heart. I would not consider him to be marriage material.

I'm also concerned about phrases like "have authority over me"...ick...that's not even really a good idea in the work environment...and kills friendships, so I rather expect it's fatal to any hope of romance. In the US, a $20k differential isn't much, but he's apparently making a big deal out of it.

I don't know any marriage in which the two people put money as high on the list as he seems to have (and you have accepted it that way), that lasted more than 10 years. Based on my observation of couples married longer than 30 years, they just keep reducing spending year over year and magically the house is paid off way sooner than expected, then money doesn't matter.

So, you've had three years to increase your education about who to not marry. Wear that education with pride, and move on.

Just one yappy puppy's opinion.....dd


There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

Last edited by DustyDog; 02-27-2017 at 09:55 PM.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:15 AM
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Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Look up the term "gaslighting", and start taking appropriate measures to leave should things not completely turn around. You're aren't crazy, but you are burnt out and you do have a husband who's a big baby and needs coddling. I would stop doing that. Stop doing things for him, stop buying his family their gifts; he can look after that--it's his family. Stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry, and start taking care of you.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Look into a women's shelter after you see an attorney. Get your ducks lined up, tell the attorney about the threats, and have the help get you into the shelter. Protect yourself - he might be very possessive and dangerous


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