Do I stay or do I go? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:50 PM
DustyDog's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
Posts: 464
Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Maybe there are details underneath all this that make things different, but...

2014 is only three years ago. You didn't say if one of you owned the acres before marriage or not. But - it seems it would be fairly easy to return mainly to where you were, financially and socially, to only three years back, no?

I see nothing in his behavior that says he wants to be married.

As Joseph Campbell says, marriage is not sacrificing yourself for the other person. Marriage is sacrificing yourself to the ONE that the two people become. And he is not only unwilling to sacrifice himself to the marriage, but worse, puts money ahead of soul and heart. I would not consider him to be marriage material.

I'm also concerned about phrases like "have authority over me"...ick...that's not even really a good idea in the work environment...and kills friendships, so I rather expect it's fatal to any hope of romance. In the US, a $20k differential isn't much, but he's apparently making a big deal out of it.

I don't know any marriage in which the two people put money as high on the list as he seems to have (and you have accepted it that way), that lasted more than 10 years. Based on my observation of couples married longer than 30 years, they just keep reducing spending year over year and magically the house is paid off way sooner than expected, then money doesn't matter.

So, you've had three years to increase your education about who to not marry. Wear that education with pride, and move on.

Just one yappy puppy's opinion.....dd

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

Last edited by DustyDog; 02-27-2017 at 09:55 PM.
DustyDog is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:15 AM
Ursula's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 303
Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Look up the term "gaslighting", and start taking appropriate measures to leave should things not completely turn around. You're aren't crazy, but you are burnt out and you do have a husband who's a big baby and needs coddling. I would stop doing that. Stop doing things for him, stop buying his family their gifts; he can look after that--it's his family. Stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry, and start taking care of you.
Ursula is offline  
post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:14 PM
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,653
Re: Do I stay or do I go?

Look into a women's shelter after you see an attorney. Get your ducks lined up, tell the attorney about the threats, and have the help get you into the shelter. Protect yourself - he might be very possessive and dangerous

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Need advice on if to stay in marriage causing disassociation lilybuds Considering Divorce or Separation 12 01-16-2017 09:20 PM
To stay or go... Fleticao12 Coping with Infidelity 14 10-19-2016 01:15 PM
Breadwinner mom and stay at home dad Mama2016 General Relationship Discussion 38 10-12-2016 03:15 PM
Help Should i stay or go lynne1986 Considering Divorce or Separation 14 09-16-2016 08:03 PM
She hit me Saturday night and verbally abused me...why stay? TRUTHSEEKER60 General Relationship Discussion 16 07-19-2016 03:11 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome