Not sure if I still want to be married
I have been feeling unhappy in my relationship for quite awhile, and need advice.
A little backstory: My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 21; we began a relationship almost immediately and lived together the whole time. Our relationship got serious very quickly. Eight months later (19 and 22), I got pregnant and we were pretty happy. However, and some of this I didn't fully grasp until later, my husband has serious insecurities and was very jealous and controlling. I dismissed it as a byproduct of his father's abuse and thought it would get better, and after a few years and a TON of communication, it has improved significantly. But those issues are still there, even if they are not as bad: If I turn him down for sex, he will accuse me of finding him unattractive or punishing him for something. He will question me about why I'm wearing a thong to work (since he attaches sexual meaning to them) or he will criticize clothes/accessories I wear and wonders why I still want to wear them when he doesn't like them. We have had many conversations about these issues and, while I'm always quite articulate, it doesn't seem to fully sink in, or he will get better for awhile but slip back into it.
He only wants to stay home for the most part and doesn't want to do much except watch tv. We are young (23 and 26) and I want to have new experiences, learn, and further enrich my life. But my husband mostly wants no part in it, basically saying that we have each other and shouldn't need to look for anything else. I wouldn't mind doing these things myself, but he gets upset if I go out by myself and thinks it means I don't want to be near him, which I have explained is not the case. I feel that if I don't do what he wants I will deal with grief and attitude. Finally, he is not financially responsible and impulse buys video games, gas station snacks as well as a beer and weed habit that amounts to about 300 dollars per month. I feel that we will never move forward financially, and when I talk about taking moving into a larger apartment (we are in a 700 sqft one bedroom with a three year old) he says we can't afford it and I am pushing him too much( he makes a little over 2x more than me, but doesn't want me to take on extra hours)
I hope it doesn't sound like I am nonstop *****ing, and thank you for reading this far! He is a thoughtful and caring husband and father in most situations, and does his fair share (or more) of housework and childcare, and we are even planning to move back to my home state where my whole family lives, since he says he knows that's where I'll be happiest.
I just feel that we may be incompatible. We were much more similar early in the relationship, but have grown in different directions. He is great in so many ways and I enjoy being with him, but not as much as I feel one should enjoy a marriage. I love him but I feel these difficulties may be too much for us and will infect the rest of our lives. I am afraid of not moving forward in my life. I never want to stop growing, learning and changing, but he seems content to stay where he is and doesn't seem willing to compromise much. I have suggested marriage counseling but he refuses and says he will never go, that we can fix our relationship ourselves and don't need to talk to anyone about our problems.
I guess I'd like some opinions to start. Does anyone think my marriage is salvageable in this situation?