28 years of beautiful lies - Page 12 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #166 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 08:29 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

Permanent alimony? Wow.

I hate to see a guy paying the rest of his life, but in the case of your husband, he deserves it.
What he is doing to you is cruel and shameful. He deserves the shark you force him to pay for and deal with.
Get what your lawyer says he should pay.

Your husband is a $@&%#*^

Never feel guilt about what he brings upon himself. You had nothing to do with thus divorce. He even said so, right?

F him.

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post #167 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:34 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

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Originally Posted by 28years View Post
Well you guys were soooo right. I should have said no but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Not only did he ruin our pans but he filed for divorce while I was on the road and then told me to file when we were talking and said he would agree to anything I asked just to give him the divorce. I guess I'm a fool who thought he would come back to us his family but I was wrong.
After what he's done, he isnt worth having, and wouldnt deserve to be allowed back. Someone who can do this to you is not worthy of you.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #168 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

I have been following this a little. cant add anything constructive - just want to say as a guy - am disgusted with how he chose to "move on".
Telling you he's never loved you effectively. Cant imagine why he would tell you that. It would have been enough to say he wants to move on, why twist the knife?

Hope you get a good settlement and move on yourself.
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post #169 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

28 years...you should have a hell of a lot in the 401k that he likely was building. you had a hand in building that. the alimony PLUS the retirement. You find a GOOD lawyer. I know you will want to play nice for your family, but your daughter wont really understand playing nice. Show your children a strong mom that will get and protect her part of retirement and will. After-all your children should get something for what he is doing. Him and his new nooky will drain and run through everything till there is likely nothing to leave your children.

Now i know you probably want to say "Oh no...not him" ha.... over estimate his as*holery. think that he will be worse than you normally think. You will be glad you did. Never under estimate an ex. Don't be deluded, at this point he is an EX.

So much hugs, what an ass... But you know what? He is making this so so so much easier on you.

And....I am so sorry. <3
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post #170 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:36 AM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

This is a good place to start: State Specific Divorce and Custody Information - Divorce Source

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #171 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

He actually put that I deserve permanent alimony. I know that everyone is right about my husband and I know in time ill be good. But I am just emotionally busted. This is the perfect way to explain how I feel...... We love our children correct? Well imagine that you have been told by your parent for 27/28 years how much you love them and then one day they tell you , I don't really love you I just told you that because that's what a parent tells his child. This is what has been done to me and everyday I struggle with the words and the affection that I received from this man who thinks because he has told me his truth that I can just say oh okay don't worry Ill be fine we can still be friends. I don't think so, as far as I'm concerned he is just as bad as someone who's physically abusive. He has left me mentally abused how cruel could you be to be so affectionate and loving and then tell that person oh I did that because this is how a husband treats his wife. I would not do this to anyone, lie to them and lead them to believe a love that was not true. My son told me the other day that he was not made in love because that is how he interprets what he heard his father say to me. I told him to never say that again because when he was created it was out of love because I love him to never think that. I also told him that his father loves him too. My heart is in pieces not only for myself but for my children. I feel like I have taken some steps backwards but I know I must be strong for my family. Thanks for the support.

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post #172 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

He is lying to you, he's lying to himself. He did love you. You know he did. But his own selfish desires allowed him to invest his feelings in another woman. He then fell out of love with you of his own choice.
He tells you he never loved you to assuage his own guilt.

He's not the man you once knew.
Really.
I'm sorry.
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post #173 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
He is lying to you, he's lying to himself. He did love you. You know he did. But his own selfish desires allowed him to invest his feelings in another woman. He then fell out of love with you of his own choice.
He tells you he never loved you to assuage his own guilt.

He's not the man you once knew.
Really.
I'm sorry.
I know your right thank you </3
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post #174 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

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Originally Posted by 28years View Post
He actually put that I deserve permanent alimony. I know that everyone is right about my husband and I know in time ill be good. But I am just emotionally busted. This is the perfect way to explain how I feel...... We love our children correct? Well imagine that you have been told by your parent for 27/28 years how much you love them and then one day they tell you , I don't really love you I just told you that because that's what a parent tells his child. This is what has been done to me and everyday I struggle with the words and the affection that I received from this man who thinks because he has told me his truth that I can just say oh okay don't worry Ill be fine we can still be friends. I don't think so, as far as I'm concerned he is just as bad as someone who's physically abusive. He has left me mentally abused how cruel could you be to be so affectionate and loving and then tell that person oh I did that because this is how a husband treats his wife. I would not do this to anyone, lie to them and lead them to believe a love that was not true. My son told me the other day that he was not made in love because that is how he interprets what he heard his father say to me. I told him to never say that again because when he was created it was out of love because I love him to never think that. I also told him that his father loves him too. My heart is in pieces not only for myself but for my children. I feel like I have taken some steps backwards but I know I must be strong for my family. Thanks for the support.

28years
Dear 28years, your pain is normal. Your loss is huge and so is the loss for your kids. The only crazy one is sadly your WS. Allow the pain to wash through you, the man you love and loved you is no more. The wonderful father your children had is no more. That man is gone and more than likely never will return. Please protect yourself financially while mourning this huge loss. There is no other way out of this hell but through it. Time will do what needs to be done to bring acceptance one day.

Please get to a doctor if you haven't yet. I had too or I could not shake the depression and anxiety that hit me. I took them for a little less than a year and I finally started weeing off of them with the help of my doctor. It will help you get the edge off not necessarily numb you. The meds will help a lot.

As to him not ever loving you, it's a lie. You and your children know that is not true. That is cheater speak coming from his mouth. My X told me that he had no idea what love was. For someone that didn't know what love was, he surely had the Oscar won that year for his incredible performance for 20 of our 21 years, plus the 3.5 we dated.

He is going to spew a lot of nonsense, that is why it is soooooo important not to talk to him at all about anything that doesn't have to do with finances. When you get a lawyer you don't even have to talk about finances or the divorce either. It will all go through your lawyers.

Please remember that he is no award winning actor, you and your children would have known all those years if the love you received was non existent. You guys know better than to believe a cheating liar.

((((hugs))))

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.

Last edited by Bibi1031; 04-21-2017 at 05:09 PM.
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post #175 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
He is lying to you, he's lying to himself. He did love you. You know he did. But his own selfish desires allowed him to invest his feelings in another woman. He then fell out of love with you of his own choice.
He tells you he never loved you to assuage his own guilt.

He's not the man you once knew.
Really.
I'm sorry.
I agree with you. You dont spend 28 years with a woman, raise children etc - and then say I never loved you.
I think his feelings probably changed with time and he simply forgot the good times etc.
But he exposed a malicious streak - maybe he felt he could only move on if he destroyed what he previously had. But it's a cruel, rotten and selfish
way to do it - esp to a woman who has probably been there for him all those years - brought up his children etc - baked him cookies with all her love etc.

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post #176 of 176 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: 28 years of beautiful lies

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I know your right thank you </3
28 years of beautiful lies my bouncy behind 28years! I hope you are not drinking his koolaid anymore. The response of your quoted above helps me see that you don't buy his lies. Your children shouldn't either.

Please detach an implement the 180 on his lousy deceitful, cheating arse! That is what he deserves from you at this point in time.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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