No, it doesn't harm everyone. The person that betrayed his wife of 28 years may not get to take his toys and run, and he may not be able to hide the despicable thing he's done from others.
There's nothing wrong with putting the truth out there, getting a FAIR divorce as far as assets, and not having anything to do with this person ever again. Any person that would do this to their wife of 28 years that has been a good wife (we don't know, but from what the OP has said, her husband has SAID she was a good wife), doesn't deserve or should get to be "friends" with his wife. This is nothing that a friend would do. He has only thought of himself. He thought of himself when he allowed himself to dwell on thoughts of this other woman, himself when he started communicating and dating her, and thoughts of himself when he told his wife not to get a lawyer. He has thought only of himself in this whole deal.
To recommend her to have an "amicable" split so that maybe in the future they can get back together? I guess the amicable part is great if they can do it so that she doesn't take the financial screwing he's going to try to give her. He is going to try to do this, that's why he's telling her not to get a lawyer. If she doesn't, she's crazy.
I don't think she should try to mistreat the guy, because after all, she actually LOVES him. I don't think she should be vindictive. But she should try to take care of her interests at least as well as he is taking care of his.
She is losing her husband. I agree, if that's what you're saying, that she should show character and do things not out of revenge or spite. But she should NOT go easy on him because she's hoping one day they can get back together. She should not go back to this man. He's got no character.
How is she getting screwed ? if her husband is not filling for divorce, then go have her own affair, stay legally married and win the whole shebang, sometimes couples need to be apart to grow, and I hate to break it to you, but I have seen it happen so many times I have lost count.
you have no idea what the marriage is like, you have no idea why he has left the marriage bed, I think it is fairly honorable to leave the home and continue to support her, and you have to ask yourself, why would a man do such a thing ?
your only hearing one side, maybe shes a cold uncaring nonaffectionate **** and is rude and stomps her feet and throws tantrums, we do not know what happens in that home, to make judgements.
I am saying, stop telling her to financially gut the guy, first off, she is entitled to a portion of the marital assets, almost every state has laws regarding asset divestiture and they are all relatively fair, and stop making her position purely adversarial. that's YOUR anger coming into the conversation, and quiet honestly if you divorced, I can see how that came to be. Also think of the children, 2 Waring adults is not leaving the children with positive feeling about couples and relationships.