18 years of marriage, 2 young kids. Our relationship,has been strained for many years- we both agree he pretty much shut me out a long time ago, views me as the person keeping him from the life of freedom he wants. Sex was very seldom, handful of times a year because he didn't want to or sometimes couldn't. I tried to be the patient understanding wife. I never meet his coworkers/ friends. We rarely go out alone together. We both have admitted we thought about ending it. About 4-5 months ago there was a sudden change, he was interested in sex again & it was great- like when we were in college. He seemingly cldnt keep his hands off me. I wanted to enjoy this but it raised red flags, always a drinker (not to excess) that had escalated to being drunk almost every night even in front of kids, he lost weight, worked out all time, new clothes, etc. Came home one night with lipstick on face, then found a text planning for a friend to cover for him while he went to local hotel instead of to visit friend. I hired a PI. He is going to a strip club several days a week while I think he's at work or meeting a friend for a drink. He has lots of the strippers phone numbers, has several favorites he takes to VIP room regularly, secret acct to fund all this. Started meeting some of them for dates outside of club (dinner, walks in the park). Says he is sorry, things are better than ever between us (seriously??) and we can fix this. Swears he never slept with any of them, & hasn't ever cheated on that level while married. Dosent seem to get the pain he has caused- seeing him walking through a park with his arm around a girl when he barely touched me for so long. My gut says he's still holding back, only admitting what he has to. These girls are a good 20 yrs younger than us. I'm disgusted, hurt, and ready to leave. He wants me to think of our kids- he shld have before choosing to do this. So lost.
He is lying, of course he has slept with them, why wouldn't he, that is what they are paid to do. He has a secret account to fund all of this.
He is a cheat and a liar.
1. Get yourself STD tested and do not sleep with him anymore, he has lost that privelege
2. Get a lawyer and see what your options are. He blew up the family, so don't let him tell you otherwise
3. Kick him out of the house - if lawyer says it is ok
4. Tell all family and friends about what he has been doing and what he has been spending his money on. This is his shame and burden to bear, not yours!
5. Go and see a counselor or therapist for yourself, you need to stay strong for your kids.
6. Take care of your health and go to gym, eat and rest properly.
7. No contact, do the 180 on him, only communication via lawyer or about kids
It is one thing to cheat but to cheat with strippers and more than one, that is the lowest of the low, if possible ask him to get out of the house. You will heal faster if you do not have to see him or hear from him.
In case you are wavering, remember he doesn't give a **** about you or the family. He has no problems in taking off his wedding ring
No problem lying to your face
No problem in risking your health
No problem with turning his filthy actions onto you and saying its all your fault
There is no remorse not even guilt for what he has done and what he is still doing.
DUMP him and run as fast as your legs can take you. True 18 years is a long time but you still can have a bright future without such a man. You are worth so much more than what he is giving you.