I'm not sure what to feel or do as of the moment or at all. What shall i do ?
Hi there, I know talking about this is wrong especially out in the open, but I'm quite in a tough spot and I have to let it out somehow. (I'm not planning to go to a counselor yet, because its things I know about his infidelity that he doesn't, and going to one is going to make him wonder).
So having said that, I'm a wife to a husband of 4.5 years. Things were so good for 4.5 years, *only there was once instance i caught him text-flirting with another woman and that was it*, and I have to be honest, we rarely fought. We argued yes, but we talked diplomatically and as mature as possible. However there are things he still wishes to do which I'm completely done with. Like greens, mushrooms, and all along those lines. He's view on this is that, if you could be positive and let go of reality, why not? He is a social drinker, but when he does, he drinks heavily.
He calls me a wet blanket when I decline he offer to join in his 'fun' (greens, drinking, etc). Well obviously I didn't take it very well the first time but I wasn't peer-pressured by him. i've not stopped drinking permanently, but just not with him as he will force me to drink more and more. It's just that, I'm done with it.
Next, earlier last year, I was out with bunch of folks having dinner and drinks together, and I wanted to check his bank transactions as earlier he did mentioned he needs some cash for his extra-curricular activities, and guess what ? I saw a transaction under a local motel ! Frustrated, I called him up and found out that he was actually at the motel with another woman. So we met at home, and I'm feeling a lil intoxicated from the earlier drinks, and I screamed at him. I confronted him, and he didn't utter a word. He only mentioned that he did check in with that woman, but he didn't do anything with her. After that night, he decided to move out to stay with his brother, I was still infuriated so I didn't stop him.
Months passed we were separated, texts messages exchanged, and he wanted to rent a place to stay with me (due to the fact he can't face my mother who is still living with me). Eventually i declined that offer about staying together with him because I was skeptical about it in the first place. Skeptical about him. Skeptical about his plans if they are going to work out at all. Skeptical if we are going to work out after this.
Fast-forward to today, it has been that on-off type of marriage between me and him. One minute he wants to work it out, next minute he disappeared away to another country, and only contacts me when he feels like it. Finally we talked things out, and currently he is staying with me, but things are different. I'm not ready to 'sleep' with him, but we still share the same bed, just that the intimate touching is absent. I'm still hurt, and I'm really not ready. Furthermore, I don't know who he has been sleeping with and was he promiscuous with it or not. Just to safe guard my health, i rather not.
Few months ago, he was away for a week's trip back to his late-mum's place in another country. And few days ago, I found out that he has been bringing women back to the house. How i know ? I've created a fake account and impersonate another woman to indirectly communicate with him, and it was a success, I deliberately found out lots of information that I need to know that he has been keeping from me. He even mention to this alibi of mine that he is divorced, and has been living alone for about a year. And that he blew it. He called it off. And love wasn't his idea. He even said that he is lazy and tired to even mend it back or rekindle the relationship.
I have lots of proof about it, even transactions histories and his whereabouts on that occasions, all his escapades, his contacts, his lover, plus him telling my alibi, links everything up.
I'm not sure if I'm too numb to confront him about it, or if I'm not ready to ask for a divorce, or worse, if I'm not sure what to feel or do about it. I still do love him, and our conversations are for the sake of formalilty and familiarity. But what he's been up to, just push me further away. Away from reality.