Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

User Tag List

 16Likes
  • 3 Post By Lostme
  • 3 Post By sokillme
  • 2 Post By aine
  • 2 Post By Vinnydee
  • 2 Post By Evinrude58
  • 2 Post By 3Xnocharm
  • 1 Post By Ursula
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Hello

we re a 33y/0.couple, no children, been married 7, toghether 8, about 6 months ago husband had breakdown and said he wasn't sure what he felt about me, that he wasn't sure if he loved me enough, all that was said in surprise , I didn't feel or seen that something was wrong, same week we went to two appt with a therapyst, he tried to conect us physically, at the time I felt it had work but a month later, husband started being distant, not saying love you or any romantic gesture. He went to his country a week on December because his dad died and he tough that's where everything came from, I expected after the trip he will come back better but he didn't
January these year my mom came to visit for a week and he was more distant you could see he wasn't happy coming home, and when saying hi to me , he would give me a kiss on the cheek but I felt it not honest at all. At that time sex was like once a week but a quickly, no kisses no passion, of course he hasn't been romantic , not even hand touching
After my mom left he said wanted to try another therapist, we each had a appt alone and then one together , I liked her , the conclusioN back then was we were going to try being friends again and reconnect again, he wanted to sleep on the couch, and also the agreement was to continue therapy
February everythIng continue the same, he bough pain for alcohol the exterior of the house which gave me hope ,but the situation continues same, we behave like roommates, no real emotional connection , no real important talk, 0 %,physical contact,
I started on January doing things for myself , exercise, trying to meet new people because truly I have been doing everything with him and I hadn't a strong personality bymyself which I is true and he said did t like about me.
I noticed he didn't go back to therapy
About two weeks ago I started realizing I m young, and deserve better, someone who cares about me, find me attractive, wants to kiss me, hug me, not everything is sex I know buts that's part of us human and to me that's marriage, I went back to the therapist last week, told her pretty much I would wait until July and if I see no change I would tell him to divorce
But this week I'm confused, don't know if to try a real separation (living In another place) before making the decision , don't know if Is a rush decision...
like how much to wait, Are about him but now I feel sad and upset that a son per my opinion he is not trying,,, he is a good guy in the sense no drugs or addictions, no partying, no abuse, he is good so I'm afraid to take the next step... what do you think?

Peach121 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:08 PM
Member
 
Lostme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 568
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

I do not think waiting until July is rushing anything, it seems you are trying everything you can.

You can't make someone else love or want you no matter what you do, you said it yourself you are young and deserve to be with someone that will give you what you need.

Just because someone is not abusive or not addicted to drugs does not mean they are a good partner for you, life is short do what makes you happy.



You do matter!
Lostme is offline  
post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:56 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,117
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

You are still young. You deserve to be loved.
sokillme is offline  
 
post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 10:52 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,596
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peach121 View Post
Hello

we re a 33y/0.couple, no children, been married 7, toghether 8, about 6 months ago husband had breakdown and said he wasn't sure what he felt about me, that he wasn't sure if he loved me enough, all that was said in surprise , I didn't feel or seen that something was wrong, same week we went to two appt with a therapyst, he tried to conect us physically, at the time I felt it had work but a month later, husband started being distant, not saying love you or any romantic gesture. He went to his country a week on December because his dad died and he tough that's where everything came from, I expected after the trip he will come back better but he didn't
January these year my mom came to visit for a week and he was more distant you could see he wasn't happy coming home, and when saying hi to me , he would give me a kiss on the cheek but I felt it not honest at all. At that time sex was like once a week but a quickly, no kisses no passion, of course he hasn't been romantic , not even hand touching
After my mom left he said wanted to try another therapist, we each had a appt alone and then one together , I liked her , the conclusioN back then was we were going to try being friends again and reconnect again, he wanted to sleep on the couch, and also the agreement was to continue therapy
February everythIng continue the same, he bough pain for alcohol the exterior of the house which gave me hope ,but the situation continues same, we behave like roommates, no real emotional connection , no real important talk, 0 %,physical contact,
I started on January doing things for myself , exercise, trying to meet new people because truly I have been doing everything with him and I hadn't a strong personality bymyself which I is true and he said did t like about me.
I noticed he didn't go back to therapy
About two weeks ago I started realizing I m young, and deserve better, someone who cares about me, find me attractive, wants to kiss me, hug me, not everything is sex I know buts that's part of us human and to me that's marriage, I went back to the therapist last week, told her pretty much I would wait until July and if I see no change I would tell him to divorce
But this week I'm confused, don't know if to try a real separation (living In another place) before making the decision , don't know if Is a rush decision...
like how much to wait, Are about him but now I feel sad and upset that a son per my opinion he is not trying,,, he is a good guy in the sense no drugs or addictions, no partying, no abuse, he is good so I'm afraid to take the next step... what do you think?
Have you asked him why he is behaving like this? Have you actually tried to talk to him?

It could be

1. He is depressed, esp at the death of his Dad. Were you supportive, it sounds like you just wanted things to get back to normal after his Dad died, which does not sound very empathetic, this could be a problem for him. Maybe that is why he wants therapy?
Death can have a profound effect on a person.

2. He may be having interests elsewhere, i.e. in another woman - hence the distance.

Watch and observe. July is a long ways away, but yes you are doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row.
aine is offline  
post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 11:28 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 467
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

A wise person who counselled couples once told me that if my girlfriend or wife ever told me that they do not love me, to leave as soon as possible. Love is a chemical reaction in your brain that cannot be willed into or out of existence. Most think that the other person can be made to love them again when that is rarely the case. Can you look at someone and will yourself to love them or be attracted to someone who you are not attracted to? Once the love is gone, it is gone. Couples will stay together due to the children or the hassle of divorce and all that it entails financially or emotionally but you cannot make someone love you once those brain chemicals go away. At best you end up with a friend with benefits relationship. Sorry but I do not think your husband is confused. If you love someone you know it. You are not confused or in doubt about it.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:18 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,470
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Divorce. He's not suddenly going to decide he loves you. He's looking for an exit now. No need to wait.
Once the love is gone, it doesn't return.
Evinrude58 is online now  
post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:33 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,787
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

I have a feeling is he likely seeing another woman. Divorce him regardless, you dont need to be with someone who doesnt love you. Life isnt meant to be a prison sentence.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:45 AM
Member
 
Ursula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 190
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Those who say that when the love is gone, it's gone, are correct. I know because I'm there, fighting to try to fall in love with my own husband. It's a hard spot to be in for both people, and I haven't told my H yet, so I give your H kudos for speaking up and telling you; that can't be an easy thing to say. Listen to him; he's being truthful when he tells you this. There's nothing wrong with it not working out, and that doesn't mean that something is wrong with either of you guys; you're just not meant to be. I think it's fair for you to wait until July, but don't expect things to change.
Ursula is offline  
post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 11:12 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

I've lived a lot of what you wrote over the course of the last few years and it's hell. You're young and have no kids? Run.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
dawnabon is offline  
post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 01:02 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 42
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peach121 View Post
he bough pain for alcohol the exterior of the house which gave me hope
Why would him buying for alcohol the exterior of the house give you hope?

It gives me confusion.

Adiron is offline  
post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:38 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,174
Re: Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
Have you asked him why he is behaving like this? Have you actually tried to talk to him?

It could be

1. He is depressed, esp at the death of his Dad. Were you supportive, it sounds like you just wanted things to get back to normal after his Dad died, which does not sound very empathetic, this could be a problem for him. Maybe that is why he wants therapy?
Death can have a profound effect on a person.

2. He may be having interests elsewhere, i.e. in another woman - hence the distance.

Watch and observe. July is a long ways away, but yes you are doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row.
My thoughts exactly. Either another lady or he has depression.
He needs to get medical help, and you also both need to sit down and get to the bottom of this. Is he open with his phone?
Diana7 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome