Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 09:54 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Morning All

I am writing this because i dont feel like living.
After 25 years of friendship, and 8 months of marriage, i am now 6 months pregnant.
I married my best friend and welcomed him to my family unit of (2 young girls, from previous failed relationships).
There was no honeymoon period, he is Aggressive constantly wants to argue in my face angrily when all i want is peace.
He promised to be a dad to my girls and now we are having a baby girl of our own, a love child named EVER to represent how long we have loved each other.
Once again,He has left me (after our last dispute) and will not answer my calls or texts and when he does get around to answering he is full of pride and empty of remorse.
I have not a penny to my name because this is a high risk pregnancy (i'm unable to work) and he has taken his bank card.
I have thought about taking my life, but could never selfishly hurt my unborn child and leave my two babies the way i was left on this earth with no one.
I admit that raising two girls alone i have had to be tougher than a man would like, just to get by.
He used to admire that about me. Now he looks down on me for it.
My kids ask me where he is, doctors appointments he is missing.
My closest relative has cancer and im shouldering the weight of that as well.
Ive tried to look for hotlines or just someone to talk to, to ease this anger, loneliness and pain. I do not know how i can forgive the one man who knows ive been hurt by abandonment before and hurts me the same way. Please help me. I am losing my grip on life right now.

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Don't do anything rash @Andrea Alexander C. You're in a dark place so you are not seeing things clearly. Your situation certainly is very bad but it's not the end of the world. You say you've tried hotlines. What became of that? Did you get anyone willing to help you? Is there any church in your area? Since you don't have money you can't afford a counsellor but church's usually give counselling for free. They might be good people there that can help you. Contrary to popular atheistic opinion not all people in churches are evil boogeyman hypocrites.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

You poor woman only one response to your pleading post and over 165 people have viewed it!

It's like people driving slowly by a flaming car wreck on the side of the road and gawking at it but stepping on the gas pedal as they go by thinking how glad they are it isnt them in there.

Sorry you're going through this, but I have no advice other than to say that at least when things are as bad as they are, it's unlikely they're going to get any worse.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 06:57 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

I'm guessing that you do live in the USA. So here is info on a suicide help line.

They can be another outlet for you to talk through your pain and thoughts of suicide.

Here is a link and phone number to a suicide prevention lifeline and their phone number.

Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK


Please call them and talk to them.

You can post here too of course.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:07 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

@Andrea Alexander C

How long did you date this guy before you married him?

Was he like this before you married him? Or did he change after you married?

I can certainly understand why you are feeling so awful. {{{{hugs}}}} This just sucks, to put it bluntly.

How long has he been gone?

Like you said, you really cannot leave your children alone in this world. You are all they have. And so you need to get angry and use that anger to get the energy to do what you need to do.

Get down to your local welfare office and get food stamps (EBT), some welfare income, help for things pertaining to your pregnancy and get yourself and your children on Medicaid.

Then see a lawyer and file for divorce asking for interim spousal support. You can ask that child support starts as soon as your baby is born.

Interim spousal support is paid while the divorce is going on. He is obligated by law to support you.

If you concentrate on the business of your life, the business of getting the money and support your need, it will take up a lot of the space in your head and push out a lot of the feelings of depression.

Then get into counseling at an organization that specialized in domestic abuse. I've posted the national hotline info below. They do both online counseling and phone counseling. Even if there is no violence going on, they will help you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored call the national domestic violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:25 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

I am so sorry. Do you have any family members who could help? How about your parents or siblings? friends?

It seems that you chose useless men as partners, and when things have settled down you may want to get some help to understand why you settle for such awful men. You have 3 children by three looser dads, do you have child maintenance from the other 2 men? If not can you go after that? Is there govt support you can have?
Get some legal advise about how you can get this latest man to give you child support for this baby.

Please dont think of suicide, I lost my mum that way and its something you never truly get over, and your children need you.

Last edited by Diana7; 03-22-2017 at 07:30 PM.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:43 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

contact police, child welfare department or the sate rep in your area. this is a clear case of abandonment. you can get his money or even emergency state benefits. even if this not in these people (like police) jurisdiction they will guide you. Forget about the jerk getting angry or anything.
Surely you have other relatives living long distance. Just talk to them

Last edited by curious234; 03-22-2017 at 07:47 PM.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Sweetheart!!! I am so very sorry for what you are going through. How upsetting to be faced with this during a high risk pregnancy. Do you think your husbands intention is to not come back to you and your children?

@EleGirl gave you excellent suggestions, and you need to do all of them right away so you have access to those things.

Please stay with us here on this forum and let us help you anyway we can. We have a wonderful mix of people who have been through all kinds of problems. Hugest ever cyberhugs mama.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:49 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

I agree with he others, find out all your options. Friends, family, or start a go fund me page for extra help and post it on facebook. Check all resources from the government and possible programs.

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Can you go stay with family members? he is verbally abusing you, I hate to tell you what comes after that more often than not.

sorry you find yourself here, please go talk to someone if you are feeling like harming yourself. Get you and your kids to a safe place where you are not alone.




You do matter!
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Andrea, hope you are doing ok
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

Andrea, I hope you are doing ok -- VERY sorry to hear what your husband (hah!) is pulling here. I would suggest contacting a local church also -- they often have groups that can provide immediate assistance for food, rides to Dr. appointments, a person who can come and help you out. Again, I hope you and your children are ok...
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: Married,Pregnant,Husband is M.I.A

I'm so sorry to read about your predicament. Please try to stay strong for your children, and keeping yourself healthy for your unborn child. That is the best thing you can do right now.

Also, as has been said before, contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. You cannot continue with this marriage given how he has treated you. Even if he returned today with all the apologies and excuses under the sun, what he has done so far is beyond forgiving.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

xx
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