Re: "Let Go if You love Something"
Good day to everyone, I wanted to post this to provide an update on what is happening.
Last night we had a 2+ hour discussion about everything. I thought extremely hard about what is the next step. Essentially, I proposed one of two options. I thought about all of the answers given in this thread to help me make some decisions as well.
1.) Separation. This would be the only possible conclusion if this circle continues. Clearly, the way things are going no one is happy with each other.
2.) We do an extreme re-assessment of expectations, conflict resolutions, and non negotiable needs in the relationship in order to shift the overall dynamic of our relationship.
We have ultimately concluded for option #2. Reasoning:
It's near impossible to tell a life story through a forum post, so everyone cannot see the whole picture. I happen to agree with the other posters that if we really had it with each other, someone would've cheated by now. I should mention we also had a one year long distance relationship and that we maintained. However, I know there is still love present. It just has to be shifted.
We're working on putting this type of "charter" together to make sure everything is solid and crystal clear to one another. I believe this is the only way to change things. Of course, I definitely took everyone's advice and told her that her reactions will not be tolerated any further. She knows I can survive on my own and that I do have access to other resources. I absolutely told her, if we can't agree to move forward with these changes and both agree on the terms then the only other option is we split up. After all the effort of trying to make it happen, if we still revert to our old ways, #1 would be the only option left.
What advice do you guys have for the above? Essentially I proposed we lay out crystal clear guidelines for expectations, needs (for both of us), and conflict resolution. In my gut, I definitely feel like I'm making the right move here by trying some radically different (as opposed to just a simple apology etc...)
EDIT: I'm definitely going to go through these forums and get lots of ideas from other people and what has worked for them. I will definitely finish the No More Mr. Nice Guy book and I will definitely complete the N.U.T.S as well. Identifying these is also a necessary step in personal growth as well.
How else can I improve upon what I had mentioned previously? Please feel free to respond.
Last edited by E ric; 03-23-2017 at 02:15 PM.