"Let Go if You love Something"
Hi all, my name is Eric and after reading some posts on here I decided to give this forum a shot as I have seen many helpful responses from the users here. Part if this is seeking the counsel of others while it also about me expressing my emotions and feelings through typing this. Also, I thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond to this post. I sincerely appreciate it. Please be honest and do not sugar coat anything. I'm looking for real and un-biased answers (hence why I'm asking strangers).
Background: My wife and I are both currently very young. I am 21 and she is 24. We have actually been married since I was 18 and she was 21, so three years. We have many common interests together, traveling, playing/writing music, and other hobbies. She studies architecture (grad student almost done) and I've just started along my own path as a real-estate investor. When we were first together I loved her like CRAZY. The first years we were together were nothing short of amazing. However, I feel like there have been some serious issues lately and that it has made some extremely large tears in our relationship. Before I proceed, I would like to mention she takes care of about 60 or 65% of the finances (from help of family) and does little housework. She does cook sometimes though. I do all the cooking, cleaning, maintaining, and I also run our Airbnb business for us because she is too busy with school. For now, I haven't been in business too long as to where I make a ton of money. So things happen to be a little tense on that front for now as well.
The Problem(s): As I type this message, I had to sleep on the floor in the room next to our bedroom because I got locked out of our room last night (crappy timing to have an Airbnb guest arrive that day as well...). The reason was that I had to finish cleaning for the Airbnb and didn't do what she asked me to do (prepare some food that would've taken less than 5 minutes). I admit, this was a mistake on my part. However, it's not just this, but it's how she reacts to things like this. She sometimes has a hard time controlling herself and she ended up throwing things at me (small items, not plates etc...). I listened to her reasoning and she said "You're never putting me first, it's always, this, then that, then that, and then you finally get to where I am." Again, I could improve on this for sure. Quarrels like these have happened more times as well (for different reasons), some more severe (sometimes she does get physical and I try to just dodge instead of block, mostly slap attempts). Although, I understand her positioning/reasoning, I absolutely disagree with the way the conflict is handled. In the most heated exchange, she slapped me so hard the right side of my face went numb for 5 minutes. Even though I work so hard everyday to get the life that we want together it just seems to me that no matter the level of detail, something is wrong with the way I'm doing things. I try to be cognizant of everything and I know I'm young, but I put myself in the category of being much more mature than other associates of my age (all of my "friends" are roughly 8-10 years older than me). I put us first and work for the future, however she sees it differently. She thinks I am not "with" her, rather I'm just present physically.
At the same time, I love her and want to try to be the best me that I can, but harmoniously I'm asking myself... why is she with you (me)? She doesn't seem happy with changes I've made. I also feel like those heated arguments/exchanges definitely put a bad dent in the relationship as it's so hard to look at the same person the same way as before. Hopefully my ideas are still coherent up to this point. Also, I'm really starting to think we are just incompatible at this point. There has been no cheating on each other or any sneaky behind-the-back stuff either. I don't think we "hate" each other either. That is definitely not the right word. So, I guess I'm just lost on what my next step should be and how to proceed with this situation. We hope to have a conversation tonight. I tell her I want us to communicate, but she angrily doesn't say anything and ignores me. Although, historically, she will eventually talk after her initial anger/frustration wears off.
Is it best we let each other go and head our separate ways to work on ourselves? Should we work through it together and become stronger? Something like this is very emotionally and logically complex and I do not believe I can figure this out on my own.
Also, I know since I'm writing this that there is bias where I am trying to make you guys think she is the "bad guy." When there is no good or bad. Please ask for more details if necessary.
Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for any replies!