Lost and Confused - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 04:30 AM Thread Starter
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Lost and Confused

Looking for supportive advice. I'm open to trying anything, or leaving if it's best.

We have been married for over 30+ years. We have 2 great grown children, retired early, and enjoy our time either together or apart. But I prefer being together best. I love my wife, and know sh still loves me. We do have many happy times, but regret fights and disagreements.

We understand marriage ups and downs, we are Christian centered people. But over the past 2 years my has increased her drinking daily social to downright drunk. This is new and concerns me greatly. I'm very upset about a situation I have no control over, Help.

Recently my wife was supporting her brother, 15 years older, with the passing of his wife. We agreed that my wife should offer her support , she did so with my absolute blessing till she passed. They were world travelers for many years. Had paid for a very expense 8 week cruise. He asked my wife to go in his wifes passing place. She agreed, but needed my support which I did not give at 1st, after deep discussion, pain, anxiety, one of us had to give. I choose to be that person, my wife would have resented me for the rest of my life. Trip is now 2 weeks old we chat every couple of days, and stay in contact via internet. My wife takes her looks as a top priority, enjoys drinking, and flirting...she is on a very old passenger type of ship, no single guys to hound her. She is enjoying being with her brother at this difficult time for him. The trip was 100% paid for, plus expenses will be covered by her brother. All her sisters have traveled to those location before, so now my wife can join in with the future conversations which she will enjoy. I support her 100%, but worry about when she returns. I worry that this may change her and that I will lose her.

We enjoy traveling and being together, but this long seperation hurts me far more than my wife. she is having the time of her life, which she deserves. She knows how much I'm hurting but does not care, and will not discuss. I do not want to bring her down.

I think of the pain and hurt constantly..I DO NOT WANT TO hurt anymore. Should I suck it up, stop worring, make the best of our time apart. Or should I consider my marriage ending and seek the next step in this stressful process. I love her so much, I'm struggling.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

I'm sorry that your wife's trip is hitting you this hard. 8 weeks is a long time. But it is survivable.

This is a once in a lifetime trip for your wife. Let her enjoy it.

What are you doing to help you handle this? Do you have friends and family that you can spend time with?

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 01:16 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

I'm surprised that you would consider divorce over just being without your wife for 8 weeks. Now is you opportunity to do some things you've always wanted to do and have some fun. She's going to be having fun during that time, you should to. Goodness if I could have 8 weeks without my wife around I would be jumping for joy.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

maybe this will change her maybe it won't, i'm not sure what you want her to do when she gets back to demonstrate your willingness to all her to go....i will tell you what is even sadder though is you, what are you doing this 8 weeks to do something for yourself, how are you demostrating to her how much you using that time to do something for yourself...it would be pathetic if all you did was pine for her for 8 weeks...that is the real crime....take a trip with yourself and do something that you have have wanted to do but hadn't had the time or she did not want to do. Maybe these 8 weeks will show her how you have changed as well.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

Wow, you are projecting and jumping the gun BIG TIME. Sure doesnt seem like your wife deserves that, she isnt doing anything wrong from the sound of things. You risk pushing her away if you dont get a grip.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

I don't understand why you would consider the marriage to be over. You gave your blessing for the trip. Are you reneging? If so, that's not fair to her.

If you are concerned that she'll be a different person when she comes back, why don't you just wait until she comes back to determine that?

You've been married over 30 years. What's a separation of 8 weeks? It's nothing; only a fraction of all of the time that you've spent together.

As for the drinking, have a heart-to-heart with her when she returns. That's a huge concern.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: Lost and Confused

So you cannot deal with an eight week separation so you want a lifetime separation?

Are you for real?

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