madteach

For so long, I've endured a loveless marriage. Ten years and two kids later, nothing has changed. I was brought up in a family where divorce was just not an option. But, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

My husband can't stand to be alone in a room with me. He gets nervous around me. After ten years of marriage, I don't feel close to him. We still feel like strangers, sometimes.

I think I want a divorce, but how do I know I am making the right choice? Are kids better raised by two parents who don't show love towards each other or by single parents who are better as friends?

I lose sleep over this everyday. I feel so guilty because I am supposed to put my children first...

accept

Come on. Whats happened. How did you get into this state.

SunnyT

Divorce is the beginning of a whole new world. Even if you are anti-divorce, the benefits of getting out of such a crappy and depressing life are enormous. It's hard to imagine, I know.

When my ex left (and it wasn't a verbal fighting ground.... just... his stupidity issues) there was a calm over the house. The kids (5) and I didn't say it, but it was like a huge relief. No more walking on egg shells, no more trying to figure out what he meant (he talked in riddles), no more worrying and wondering about every freaking thing. A huge weight was lifted, and the household was pleasent and calm.

Different people handle the stress of separation differently tho. I think you have to weigh it for yourself, how things will change if you separate/divorce.... the finances, maybe even where you live, the family unit (definitely changes... new dynamics... not all bad tho!), your authority as a single parent, your responsibilities as a single parent,..... there are alot of lifestyle changes depending on the give and take within the current marriage.

In my marriage, the ex was not involved with the kids at all, bill paying was always a crap shoot, my opinion had no value, etc... So when he left I was already doing all the kid/house stuff, and was free to figure out my own bill paying/finances. To me it was the best thing that he ever... ever... did for me.

I made lists, pros and cons.... I kept a journal to get my frustrations out. I wrote him letters in the journal... I burned it after he left.

My life now is awesome..... really awesome... better than I ever thought it would be (which is real good coming from an optimist!). Ex's life....????? I have no idea. Not my problem, not my department, not my care.....