Is hoping a wasted energy?
I'm new and almost in disbelief that I'm writing this post.
My husband and I have been together for 5 and a half years (married 2 and a half). Up until 6 weeks ago, I thought I had the perfect marriage and a husband who I thought adored me. We were the envy of friends and family enjoying a great life together.
When we first got together (a couple of months in), my husband said he wasn't keen on kids but I made it clear that for reasons I perhaps didn't properly understand at the time, I wanted a family to which he agreed. We discussed this several times over the years and early last year, I came off contraception and we waited to see what might happen. In the summer I was diagnosed with PCOS and we attended fertility appointments- I was eventually prescribed medication which I started taking in mid February. Two days after starting the medication, my husband tells me he doesn't want kids, never has and actually, went so far as to say that he will not have them. I felt like I was hit by a train. There was no discussion, no thought about how I might feel, or any consideration about my happiness- he just told me. He's been very black and white- quite simply, I need to choose whether I want to stay married or choose a family over him.
I don't feel I'm coping well. I don't want to lose my husband and would give anything to have the marriage and husband I thought I had, back.
Since this happened, we've both been to see counsellor's separately and will probably attend couples' counselling in the next week or so. But apart from this, my husband will not take responsibility for his behaviour. It feels really unfair that this is all on me and given the lack of any other options, I feel that he's forcing me to choose a separation I never wanted.
A bit about us. I'm 32 and he's soon to be 39. He spent 3 years in the army and this is his third marriage. There was also a fourth engagement somewhere in the mix. One of the reasons he divorced his ex-wife is because she wanted a family and he said they didn't get on and didn't want children with her. I really grilled him about this before I moved in and he insisted he did not want kids with her but did with me.
How have people coped in this period of time? Do I hope? Do I still give him space given his commitment to counselling? How do I face up to this with strength, without feeling so utterly sorry for myself? The emotional rollercoaster is a killer, I would love to fast forward to a time when I'm not crying and happy again. Thanks in advance guys.