My wife is thinking about a separation - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:29 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

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Originally Posted by jonprofeta View Post
I got a text from a random number saying that they don't know me but said my wife has been with Simone else. Have me his number and name. I looked it up and found out who it was. It was a person that she co taught with in another district. The became friends and it ended when they got to close and his girlfriend didn't like it anymore. I checked phone records and this number was all over. Confronted her and was calm about it. Told her I needed the truth and now was the time to be honest and come clean. I asked her who it was and she was like a deer in headlights. She went Pail. She tried to play it off like it was just a friendship and I came back saying now is the time to be honest and that I know almost everything. End result I don't know what I am going to do but if I ever did decide to stay and work on things then this is going to be really hard for me and is going to take a lot of time. Remember we have two kids together. I am on the fence of either divorce or possible trying to salvage whatever we can.


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So everyone here was right about her cheating. @Evinrude58 was practically clairvoyant. Thing is it's not rocket science look up almost any story where the title is my wife wants to separate and 99% of the time she is cheating. This time trust us. The only way you have a chance is to give her swift strong consequences, and even if she doesn't come back to you you will be much better off because you were not bullied and you stood up for yourself.

Read these threads. All these guys got strong really fast. Right now you should stop being sad and start being mad. Your wife cheated on you and lied to you an was prepared to blame everything on you while she was cheating. She also used you as a bank account. Not very nice.

Trust what everyone who is not a white knight, these would be the ones before who told you that your wife was NOT cheating and is was all your fault, everyone else is going to tell you to get strong, trust those people. Go with the ones who were right from the beginning. Your post has been written on her hundreds of times cheaters all do the same thing. Swift harsh consequences is the only thing that works. I would start by seeing a lawyer and giving her divorce papers. You can stop at any time but at least now she has some consequences. Tell her since she is seeing someone else you want to start to split up you finances. Or maybe now that you see how she treated you, you will just let her go. Probably the easiest route as she is not a very nice person. Can't hold even a teaching job, if she is in the US these jobs are hard to get fired from because of unions. She doesn't sound very stable. But whatever you do, don't let her abuse you and beg her to come back. It doesn't work and you will regret it latter.

Get strong!


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post #47 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 10:48 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

If you don't file for divorce, totally disrupt her life, and ACT convincingly NOW, that you are disgusted, and couldn't care less if she lives or dies--- you will be divorced.

You want to beg her, plead with her, make love to her and feel everything is all right.

If you do this, she will subconsciously think she is right about thinking she can do better than you, and she will CONSCIOUSLY be repulsed by your weak behavior and RUN.

If you file for divorce and act like she is trash and don't even consider touching her, there is a chance she will be shocked into remembering hiw she once loved you and be fearful about losing you and maybe even try to reconcile with you.


Think about this: How SHOULD you feel? Shouldn't you be LIVID?
Shouldn't you WANT to divorce thus evil, cheating, trashy woman?
ACT this way. Never let her know how you really feel. Under no circumstances do you cry, beg, or even let her know you care.

Have her served with divorce papers. You don't have to go through with it, although you should and may have to.

If you try to nice her back like I did mine, you are guaranteed to lose her.

Honestly, you're better off letting her go, anyway.
Things will never be the same, and she will never love you again like she should. Once they lose their love for you/-- it's gone for good.

Still hoping the best for you. But the best may be a new, loyal woman--- not your crappy wife sho you e got on a pedestal. Kick her as off that pedestal you have her on.
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post #48 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 09:15 AM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonprofeta View Post
I got a text from a random number saying that they don't know me but said my wife has been with Simone else. Have me his number and name. I looked it up and found out who it was. It was a person that she co taught with in another district. The became friends and it ended when they got to close and his girlfriend didn't like it anymore. I checked phone records and this number was all over. Confronted her and was calm about it. Told her I needed the truth and now was the time to be honest and come clean. I asked her who it was and she was like a deer in headlights. She went Pail. She tried to play it off like it was just a friendship and I came back saying now is the time to be honest and that I know almost everything. End result I don't know what I am going to do but if I ever did decide to stay and work on things then this is going to be really hard for me and is going to take a lot of time. Remember we have two kids together. I am on the fence of either divorce or possible trying to salvage whatever we can.


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Jump off the damn fence and divorce her.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #49 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 10:08 AM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Jon

First thing I would do is contact an attorney. Find out if you live in a no fault or at fault state. Regardless if it is a no fault or at fault state, file for divorce listing both adultery and OM as the reason why. Hint, divorce records are public records, your wife's OM will go ballistic as a cause for divorce since it can affect his employment. You simply have a friend request a copy of the divorce papers, then mail them to the board highlighting OM's name. One copy for each board member, and if OM is her boss, well then you have something golden.

If you decide you want this marriage, then you do everything you can to lose it. Polygraph your wife, she nothing but lies anyway. Tell her you are going to expose her and OM to the school board, that should create a wee bit of tension in her. Tell her you are going to expose her to all your friends and family, and that she is not to contact OM. Tell her she has one chance to be honest, and that one chance will be verified by the poly. Take a day and go see her for lunch, ask her where OM is located and then call him to have you join them. Then tell OM that you plan to expose, and right at this moment a friend of yours is briefing his wife at this very moment. Tell OM if you even hear of him saying hello to your wife, you will make it your life's mission to destroy him within the legal limits of the law.

Tell your wife to leave the home for two weeks, she can stay at her moms. At the end of two weeks ask her if she wants a divorce. If she says no, then tell her you will decide what you want in six months. Your decision should not be made now in my opinion, your still in shock from just finding out. Tell your wife that during this time she is to begin IC, and her actions will be measured and taken into consideration for your decision.

Get into IC yourself, no MC as you have no marriage because your wife killed it. Text the number that texted you and request for all information that they have. Thank them for being a good person to have let you know, at least now you will no longer have a marriage that is a lie.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


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post #50 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

This is a great site to get an idea of what the divorce and custody laws are in your state State Specific Divorce and Custody Information - Divorce Source

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #51 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Read this thread in CWI

BS with long time update

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #52 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

You can't fix what you don't know, if she hold back, if she shuts down and keeps you away, you can not fix her, this is over until she is ready to take ownership for her crap and for this affair......otherwise if you status quo the shut your mouth close your eyes and accept what is given to you.
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post #53 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonprofeta View Post
With certain jobs that she had gotten that weren't good and made her unhappy our relationship was bad but when she had gotten a job that was good for her are they Chip always got better now she's had a job where she travels an hour and a half to work and has to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning and she's not appreciated where she is. I'm not saying that I'm a total angel and I didn't do anything to help this relationship crumble and it's not something that is happened overnight it's taken a few years to get this way. We saw it a counselor this past September and the problems that she had with me going into it was that she fell out of love with me and that me being forgetful whether it be me making sure the kids lunches were packed or getting them to school on time those were the biggest fears. Canceling seemed like it was working but she also was carpooling with a girl where her husband was mentally physically emotionally abusive he was a drug attic and alcoholic and this girl did not have a stable environment for herself. I don't believe she was the best influence on my wife not saying that she is easily influenced. How do I go about this to try to get her to see me in New light and not that I need her.
All of the sudden, she doesn't love you and wants a separation to think?
That and some other replies from you... this stinks of her having an affair / having sex with someone else. Separation is usually a process of leaving the marriage.

You need to find out what is going on in HER life... but at this point, it seems that your marriage is already on life support and she is yanking on the power cord to kill it.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #54 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

'I love you, but I am not INLOVE with you" = she is cheating. Everyone who is being cheating on - and things at home are going into the crapper and one of you is not talking - but becoming distant... its cheater lingo. It gas-lighting. "oh well, she still loves me - we just need to rekindle the IN LOVE part"...

Nope, at that point - having sex with you, she feels like she is cheating on her boyfriend (if she is in fact cheating).

Just read your "in house separation" = mixed feelings. Gives her the ability to go out, date, etc - while you babysit.

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post #55 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:04 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonprofeta View Post
I got a text from a random number saying that they don't know me but said my wife has been with Simone else. Have me his number and name. I looked it up and found out who it was. It was a person that she co taught with in another district. The became friends and it ended when they got to close and his girlfriend didn't like it anymore. I checked phone records and this number was all over. Confronted her and was calm about it. Told her I needed the truth and now was the time to be honest and come clean. I asked her who it was and she was like a deer in headlights. She went Pail. She tried to play it off like it was just a friendship and I came back saying now is the time to be honest and that I know almost everything. End result I don't know what I am going to do but if I ever did decide to stay and work on things then this is going to be really hard for me and is going to take a lot of time. Remember we have two kids together. I am on the fence of either divorce or possible trying to salvage whatever we can.


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Jon,

Forget who is right or wrong. Quite honestly, we all hope we are wrong but not the case here. But right now my friend, you actually know nothing other than that she has been cheating on you, most likely from her reaction likely physically. But how can you make any decisions until you have some semblance of the truth, which you do not now have.

So in order to help you avoid any more pain than you are already in, I am going to tell you how to very quickly find out if she has any intentions of telling you the truth.
(1) get to an attorney tomorrow, and tell your wife you are doing that. At this point, you need to find out if she even gives a **** so no need to keep it a secret.
(2) if, and only if, she gives you the usual crap about all of a sudden realizing she wants you, then you tell her she has 24 hours to write a timeline from start to finish with nothing left out.
(3) once you get that, then you tell her since she is already a proven liar, she will now take a polygraph test to confirm that what she has written is true.

my bet is that when and if you get to number 3 she will resemble Casper The Ghost, and will refuse because she knows she is lying.

Now, you can ignore totally what I wrote, and beg her to tell you the truth, and what will happen is that unless that message came from the Om wife or girlfriend, your wife and him will be going further underground and you will be eating your heart out.

And last piece is leave your kids out of this. Using them to justify eating a **** sandwich is going to get you nothing.

Now that you have caught her, you are in control if you want to be. or you can play the "pick me" game and have more D Days. And stay the hell away from marriage therapists until you are 100% sure you have the truth. You do not do therapy with someone actively in an affair, and she is.

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post #56 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:09 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

The ONLY way to save your marriage is to act swiftly to cut her out of your life - she has to see REAL hard consequences and that you WILL drop her like a hot stone if she won't give OM up immediately.

Do not talk about ANYTHING until she's agreed to give him up and has written him a no contact letter. NOTHING. Anything else she tries to talk about, just say 'talk to my lawyer.' Scare the crap out of her and make her fear losing you. Nothing else will work with cheating wives. Please trust me.
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post #57 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

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Originally Posted by jonprofeta View Post
So you guys were right. She was involved in an emotional relationship with Simone else.


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oh come on man!!!! Every betrayed spouse wants to believe it's an emotional affair because the truth is to hard to take. It's called denial of where you are. Shes not having sex with you because she's screwing him.

Wake up!!!!
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post #58 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 03:00 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

Don't make the mistake of helping hide their affair. Exposure to his wife without any warning ASAP!!!!

You tell your wife she'll just conspire against you with her lover to make you out a crazy jealous husband

Go look at your phone bill if you want a shock!!!!

Don't accept the blame for this its all on her.

Being a weak doormat at this time will put you in even worse shape as will making more excuses for her.
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post #59 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 03:32 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

You have to wonder now about her getting terminated from her job and what really happened. You also have to wonder who the father of your child is. Even if you are certain you are the dad, you have to get your kids DNA tested. This shows you don't trust her as far as you can throw her. You also need to get yourself STD tested. She does to since she is around your kids.

Tell her parents what she is doing.

Separate finances and open your own bank accounts. Take the Explorer and let her drive whatever is left.

What state do you live in? This matters a lot.

If you do not react strongly, you will get taken to the cleaners and you marriage will be over.

If she cut you down or off sexually you can guarantee she is having sex with the other man one way or another.


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post #60 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: My wife is thinking about a separation

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Last edited by Edmund; 04-11-2017 at 07:14 AM. Reason: not relevant
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