, In all fairness, I only mentioned I've been considering the option of divorce over the last year, however our marriage has not been all that great for several years now. As a matter of fact, I came close to divorcing her 7 years ago because of the same issues we are having now, but didn't for the sake of our children. It has been exhausting for me to get her involved with anything, and I have tried. And now too tired to try anymore. This is because she's not in love with you either.
You said: This is likely because she is not in love with you either. Women who are in love with their husbands WANT to spend time with them, and stay in shape for them, and have sex with them. This can be fixed, but it will require that you put in serious effort.
I agree 100% with the first part of your statement, but not so much your last sentence.
Why is it that you think it is me who needs to "put in the serious effort"? I have made every effort to salvage our marriage, made compromises, suggested counseling(she refused), been the good/faithful husband/father, and in return I get promises that are made on her part, only too soon to be broken, and she goes back to the same routine. I don't think it's only you who needs to put in serious effort, but I do think that if you want to save your marriage and give it your best shot, you get to go first because you're the one here asking for advice on how to improve your situation. She needs to learn how to meet your needs too- but she will not be motivated to do that when she's not in love with you.
And then there's this comment: I said: There is no one else "waiting in the wings" for me for my relationship to end, but I am not afraid I will find love again.
You said: Are you sure? There is no female friend who's providing a listening ear?
I didn't join this forum to become a target of accusations of members on here. I've never cheated on my wife and wouldn't discuss my personal dirty laundry to anyone I know, female or male. Anyone who does that is a fool. (aka loose lips sink ships). I joined this forum in anonymity to find help with a difficult decision I am facing from others who have experienced similar circumstances, and to gain some knowledge on what to expect. Not tying to accuse you of having an affair, but many men who are willing to leave their wives are thinking of greener pastures, and many times that includes a "female friend." If your wife came here first asking for help because her husband told her he was thinking of leaving her, many of us would have her investigating a possible affair or private communication with another woman.
I appreciate your comments and the time you took to respond to my post. I'll check out the book you referred to as well for another point of view. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful to you. I still think your marriage has a great chance of getting through this hard time but it will require serious effort on both your parts, and she has to be willing too. You need a plan though, and someone has to lead. Usually when the husband is willing to start his wife is more likely to follow and the marriage improves rather quickly, according to Dr. Harley, licensed clinical psych and author of the book I suggested. I told another poster looking to improve his marriage the same thing- your wife is lucky that you are here trying to figure out how to improve the marriage. It's harder when the wife wants improvement and her husband is not willing to do the work, according to Dr. Harley's experience. A wife cannot carry her husband uphill but men are usually more able to persuade their wives to meet their needs once they start meeting her needs.