OP, I thought this was why you came here too, to get advice about your marriage? It seems to me you already decided to end it.
I agree with @jb02157
- why not give it one last shot with the plan I suggested before throwing in the towel? If you didn't have kids....that would be a different story. But you do and since your husband sounds desperate not to lose his family, don't you think there is a way you can try to work on it for another 6 months or a year? Even if you separate now, you can tell him that you'd be willing to reconcile if he's able to prove to you and the kids that he is getting treatment, and behaving like a married man and father should by engaging in the marriage and family.
And when I asked if the running group was co-ed, you said it's mostly females. Are you training with other men? If so, I think he has a right to say it bothers him. My husband was really into a training that included other females. I was unable to go at the same time, even though I practice the same sport. A few of these women started telling me they missed by husband when he was busy with me and our family. I was deeply hurt so he stopped going, even though he loves this sport. We found an alternative that works very well for both of us and is better for our marriage.
My point is that in marriage, our happiness should not come at the expense of our spouse. We work together to come up wil alternatives that are best for the marriage. I get that your husband hasn't been able to do that due to his depression, and I have read that depression in men is very difficult for wives, often much harder than if the situation were reversed. I get that you're unhappy in the marriage, but why not give him a chance to change with a big wake up call that he's about to lose you? And I still think that you need to reevaluate your running activity and negotiate a better solution for the marriage.
Jessica38, why are you not understanding that this man is choosing to NOT help himself, therefore not helping his marriage? He CHOOSES to sit around in depression, despite his wife's pleads for him to GET SOME HELP. He CHOOSES to sit home instead of joining his wife in activities. Instead he is upset that she will not sit and wallow with him, which is what he wants, the activity she is involved in doesnt matter.
Have you ever been with a depressed spouse? Have you ever been with a spouse who wants nothing to do with you and is not interested in participating in your marriage? If not, let me tell you, it is a LIFE SUCK. And the hardest part is that NO ONE can make another person help themselves. I think the huge guilt trip and giant pity party displayed by summer41's husband was 100% manipulation, in order to get her to stay so that he can continue NOT doing something for himself.
This man sounds SO MUCH like my first husband, its scary. He was depressed while we were married (and before) and no matter what I tried, he would not admit it and would not seek to do anything about it. He was completely checked out of our marriage, had nothing to do with me, and was completely absorbed in himself. Once we seperated, he did finally see the doctor and got on antidepressants. He frequently told me how much better he felt. After a couple of years, he went off of them, and never would start them again. He remarried, and they divorced after about five years, as he continued having the same issues since he did nothing to make changes for himself. He blamed the world for his problem and refused to help himself. (probably because it was all EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT)
Summer has been making an effort to encourage her H to do SOMETHING. He doesnt want to. Why keep hounding her to keep trying, when the other half insists on not participating?