Is this normal?
Sorry for the long post
Hi I am new to these boards but totally lost. I have been married for 22 years. I was 18 when we met. I loved my husband then boyfriend with all my heart he was my everything. I did everything with him he was my lover and best friend. I lost touch with most of my girlfriends. 9 years later We eventually got our first house, got engaged got married and I qualified as an accountant and then fell pregnant.
I got post natal depression but he didn't understand. That's when things started to crack. He started being uncaring, turning the Other way if I was upset. had no one to help me or show some love and understanding he made me feel like I was mental why couldn't I just crack on...I went to counselling but still struggled with my weight and body image (I had put 6 stone on)
Over the next 4 years I felt low and couldn't fully shake off the sadness but was doing ok at work being promoted. His sex drive dipped and he started to pile on the weight.
I fell pregnant 4 years later with my second child, again bam post natal depression and I developed an eating disorder to lose my weight. My first child went to school and I met some more mums who got me into running to help with my low mood it worked! I felt lighter in my moods, but my husband resented me for it, wouldn't watch me race didn't like me having friends; would put me down in a manipulative way. They made comments, my daughter made a comment that mummy doesn't eat with us anymore so I booked myself in with a psychologist to sort myself out and after many long sessions I felt like me again. She told me to keep running it was good for me but the more I ran the more my husband didn't support, I wanted him to become part of my "running family" but he wasn't interested so I stopped asking him.
Then he started putting more weight on, snoring I couldn't sleep I moved myself into the spare bedroom on a blow up bed. I asked for relate I asked for him to see the doctor as he was depressed this was 3 years ago and he refused. We grew apart. The comments saying I saw my children as a burden I trained too much. It broke my heart. I said if we didn't sort this out our marriage was in trouble.
Sure enough 3 years on after 6 years of being unhappy I have a 12 year old and a 8 year old and I've said our marriage is over. I love him like a brother not a husband. He finally agreed to relate which we did but it didn't work; the counsellor acknowledged his complete lack of empathy.
He has buried his head again and is refusing to look at his finances. I feel sorry for him I keep wobbling between my decision as I do love Him I have been with him more than half my life but it's in the wrong way. I worry about the kids and how they will cope, but this is pulling me down.
Any advice would be helpful. Feel rubbish that i am a Horrible person
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