How do you know...? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How do you know...?

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Originally Posted by aine View Post
Saddad, you have messed up. I would suggest you take the focus of your WW for now, you have precipitated all of this and have to own it. Just because your wife was lazy doesn't make you entitled to go out and cheat for 3 days, I suspect you wanted to teach her a lesson, she was devastated, you got her where you wanted her then kicked her when she was down. This is a huge issue from a female's perspective, she is not emotionally safe with you obviously, so in her (ahem) 'wisdom' she decided to get you back.

you both sound young, how old are you?

Please leave the marriage aside for now

Go get some therapy for yourself and work on you first of all.

Let your wife do what she must do, but you have to sort out yourself with or without her.
We are in our mid 30s. We had our kid and got married young.

We are in Marriage Counseling right now and I have been reading a lot of self help books and online materials.

I am almost to the screw it stage, but I don't want to be. I just can't be treated like a door mat, while still continuing to support her reckless habits and insane spending that has occurred over the past few months, coupled with being completely ignored and iced out. It's a horrible situation.

I would feel better if she WAS tryign to fix herself, but she is just laying in bed all day, or the couch and smoking all day. :/

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post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: How do you know...?

She is DONE. The time to let go is now.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How do you know...?

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Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
She is DONE. The time to let go is now.
I'm not saying I disagree with you, but why stick around? Why go to MC? Why not just say so.

Why tell me there's hope? Tell me to be patient?

Mind games? Punishment? I don't understand that part...
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post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: How do you know...?

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Originally Posted by Saddad44 View Post
I'm not saying I disagree with you, but why stick around? Why go to MC? Why not just say so.

Why tell me there's hope? Tell me to be patient?

Mind games? Punishment? I don't understand that part...
To let you down easy.

See it all the time here on TAM.
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post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: How do you know...?

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Originally Posted by Saddad44 View Post
I'm not saying I disagree with you, but why stick around? Why go to MC? Why not just say so.

Why tell me there's hope? Tell me to be patient?

Mind games? Punishment? I don't understand that part...
To make it easier on herself. And she doesnt want to look like the bad guy.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How do you know...?

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To let you down easy.

See it all the time here on TAM.
I suppose I can't disagree. Maybe I am just in denial. But honestly, I have done a lot of grieving about this already, so it wouldn't be a shocker.

I just hold onto a shred of hope. The MC suggested she meet with the spouse individually next week, I was kind of waiting to see how that went.

Waste of time? Just file?

I still have a little hope. The way she talks it makes it sound like she's very confused and unsure. I've read a lot of places 'if you aren't sure, then it won't work' - I don't know if I buy that.

Thanks to all for your guidance and replies.

EDIT: I don't think she's interested in letting me down easy. She is very pissed that I did it first, and has no issue being mean about it.
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post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: How do you know...?

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Originally Posted by Saddad44 View Post
I suppose I can't disagree. Maybe I am just in denial. But honestly, I have done a lot of grieving about this already, so it wouldn't be a shocker.

I just hold onto a shred of hope. The MC suggested she meet with the spouse individually next week, I was kind of waiting to see how that went.

Waste of time? Just file?

I still have a little hope. The way she talks it makes it sound like she's very confused and unsure. I've read a lot of places 'if you aren't sure, then it won't work' - I don't know if I buy that.

Thanks to all for your guidance and replies.

EDIT: I don't think she's interested in letting me down easy. She is very pissed that I did it first, and has no issue being mean about it.
Sometimes filing has an opposite effect for a while. It can renew her interest in you.

However it is usually short lived, once it's done it's done.

Start the divorce and live your own life. That's the best way to get her back if there is a shred of a chance.
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