18 yrs down the drain
Backstory: I have been with my husband since we were 16. We got married at 25 and had 2 children. We never had the greatest relationship but while we were engaged things were great. We had somewhat of a sexless marriage (his decision, not mine) a year into marriage he developed an opiate addiction through pain management. His addiction became mine, in a way that I was enabling, checking his phone/whereabouts/etc. it put so much strain on our marriage. We did counseling for a few months and things got seemingly better. Fast forward to last year, our 8th year of marriage. He kicked his addiction, I thought things would get better, they did not. I lost my job of 10 yrs, my mother and sister were diagnosed with cancer within 6 weeks of each other, my husband was in active withdrawal, I started a new job I didn't exactly want to take, husband crashed his car and totaled it, I was holding together a household, taking cAre of 2 children on my own, husbands job laid him off for 6 weeks. I was at an all time low. I had no support from him. He was mad because I didn't support him through his withdrawal.
With all that has happened I started to realize that after 18 yrs I am tired of being unhappy. I have goals, I want more in life. He's not on board. He isn't an active member of our family. He doesn't take care of the kids at all and acts more like a slob roommate than a father or a husband. He constantly throws it in my face that he quit opiates for me and the kids. What more do I want from him, right?
It's so frustrating. We don't talk, we don't even sleep in the same room (my choice). Now that he's noticed me drifting away he has a sex drive and I have no interest in it. How could I? I'm full of resent. He thinks having sex will fix the issues, after years of me begging to have a physical relationship. But now that my eyes have been opened and I learned that I am a single married mom I just don't want to be with him. He refuses to move out, I am here bc I have no where to go without uprooting my child from his current school (he's got an iep aka special ed) i feel stuck.
I have a plan to try and start to chip away at my debt first before I make any moves. I am trying desperately to just live my life but find myself falling into depression/anger/sadness. I'm also so sad that leaving him will mean I leave behind 50 extended family member (in laws, cousins, aunts/uncles) that I have known and been extremely close with since 16 yrs old. I know they would not blame me for leaving but I also know that once this is over I won't be able to stick around for family events other than dropping my kids off. It hurts.
Anyway, that's my story.