First of all a big (((hug))) to you for all you are going through. I'm so glad that your son is done with treatment and I'm praying that he is now cancer free and stays that way. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.
I have 3 sons that are chronically ill with an immune condition since birth... so I know how draining having a sick child is... especially when your partner doesn't contribute much in the effort. You are in a permanent state of exhaustion and heartache that never really goes away. The worry you feel as a mom is overwhelming. When they are immune compromised you have to be extra vigilant and it can be very isolating, I know.
I also understand how cancer changes everything. Mr HB has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for 2 1/2 years now. We've done surgeries, chemo, even a clinical trial. His disease recurred this past fall and he is now inoperable and undergoing chemo once again.
The fear that comes with cancer... there's just nothing else like it. Even during the year he was doing well I was waiting for it to come back. You just can't help it. Add to that watching someone you love suffer from the disease and sometimes even more from the treatment? It's just hell on earth. And I can only imagine if it were one of my boys it would be 10 million times worse.
One thing I've learned is that not everyone handles that kind of challenge well. And some people handle it so badly that they become someone you never would have married had you known they had this in them.
Mr HB chose to have an online affair to escape from his reality last year. It lasted six months until I caught him sexting her. At the time he was stable health wise... we tried to reconcile, but he really just wanted me to get over it... he wasn't remorseful.
I really believe we were headed toward separation and divorce, but then the cancer came back full force and now I feel like I can't leave. What's the point anyway when his time is limited anyway.
If he wasn't sick? We'd be done for sure. And if I were in your shoes I would end things. If he cannot be there for his precious son as he goes through the hell of cancer and chemo, and can't support his wife through it, then he is worthless as a father or a husband. If you think your children don't notice his emotional absence you are wrong. My kids see it... they have lost a lot of respect for their dad.
When you hit 30 posts you should also check out the Caregivers Thread here in the private section... there are several of us caring for loved ones... a great support.
In the meantime, feel free to PM me if you need a friend to talk to.
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