Email is typically the recommended way if there's a chance things might get too heated and emotional.
Has she given you an indication prior to this email that she has been unhappy in the marriage?
I know that in Marriage Builders, Dr. Harley does recommend that women separate from husbands who are unwilling to meet their needs/address their complaints in the marriage. His advice is to let the husband know via a letter, as this often wakes up the husband to finally either 1. Work with them to improve the marriage, or 2. End the marriage because he's unwilling to work on it.
Is it possible that this is what's going on? Either way, Dr. Harley does recommend that spouses who are hit with a desire to separate without warning to investigate a possible PA/EA, as another man or woman can often be a new point of comparison to the spouse of what is missing in their own marriage.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but since you two do have issues in the marriage, it could be a good opportunity to get serious and work on it together from this point on. If there is another man though, that's not going to work, so you do have to investigate.
Do you have access to her texts/apps/devices?
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Interestingly, our church offered a marriage building course that we attended and it was based off of the writings and teachings of Dr. Harley. So we talked all about Love Banks and our Love Languages.
She's never outright expressed a desire to leave the marriage, but with her being as unfiltered as she is, it's come out as a threat often.
"I'LL JUST TAKE THE KIDS AND LEAVE!"
"LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE MANAGING ON THEIR OWN, I CAN DO JUST FINE WITHOUT YOU!"
I don't take these seriously since so much of what she says seems to be done in a state of anger.
I don't know if my decision to finally push back was her interpretation of me being unwilling to work on things. I'm always willing and always have been willing. I don't want a broken home and I hate the conflict that we're in.
It's just difficult. And it's a cycle. We fight, I apologize and promise change, we're good for a while, and then it happens again.
What I'm tired of is the need for change always falling on my shoulders as if I'm the faulty one in the relationship.
I've sat back and quietly watched dozens of her friendships fall apart because people just choose to up and walk away from her irrational anger and outbursts.